| What is up with life? It is so fucked up! I hate it all! I am such a freak! I am too scared to die but I am too scared to live. What the hell can I do? God, if He really exists, is so messed up. I think he must have been smoking weed with the drunkies when he was here. He won't take my life away and I am to scared of death. I mean, I would try cutting but I am scared of blood. I am too fucking weak! Oh my fucking God! What the hell is wrong with me? I actually did try cutting before but it didn't work. My pocket knife is too dull and I am not allowed to even look at a razor let alone go near one. My parents know I am suicidal. That is why they do that. They don't want me to die. Who the fuck cares if I die? I practically have no friends. All of my friends at least cut once in their lives. Now don't think that I wanna cut because they are. It isn't like that! I wanna cut so that all of my pain will go away! I have so much pain building up inside me and I can't... I won't let it out. If I even let a little bit of the pain come out, I will kill someone. I don't wanna hurt anyone unless that person is myself! I have this Jehovah's Witness who isn't suicidal or cutting and fuck. He doesn't get me or my other friends at all. He practically hates all Gothic people for some fucked up reason. Don't ask me why. I don't know. He says because he thinks all we do is sit around hating the world. I told him he need a new brain because his is fucked up. We don't just hate the world for no reason. Well, I am being too open to that. I mean to say that most don't hate the world. Some of my friends are Goths because they are more like Gothic people than they are preps. I tried to tell him that. He won't listen. He is a fag anyway (not really. I just call him that cuz he is so hot when he is mad. Drool... [it's a girl thing. Don't ask]). So, anyway, I hate life and I love my Jehovah's Witness friend and we can never date because his mom still hates me and he says he isn't allowed to date out of his religion. Luck is so fucked up, huh? AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! |
|
