Over the last couple of years I have fought tirelessly to try and stop gnome cruelty, but still the little fellahs are being mistreated. Everyday the RSPCG finds more dead gnomes, abandoned in gardens, starving gnomes by ponds, and, perhaps worst of all, little orphan gnomes kept as sex slaves in perverse hellholes such as the Houses of Parliament. This kind of thing must be stopped, but not through the violent acts of the Organisation for the Rehabilitation of Gnomes And Small Manthings into Society (ORGASMS). No, action needs to be taken in a peaceable manner. We need to march in all the great cities and ask that finally, at long last, Gnomes be recognised in the laws and statutes of the Western World, and that we press our Third World neighbours to take similar action. Are gnomes not gnoman, do they not chip? Kick us, do we not fall over?
But why should we help gnomes? What have they ever done for us? I hear these questions everyday and it makes me sad. Gnomes are the light of your garden life. They transform pools of water into amusing ponds, they make dull lawns into funtime for your children, and they steal your unwanted pants giving your wife an excuse to buy that sexy pair of knickers she always wanted. Why save gnomes? Because gnomes are great!
Remember gnomes, there is a home for you here, on 4degreez, in the kingdom of Gnomania. This is a magical land where all peoples can come together to eat magic mushrooms and steal underwear. Yes, it is a wonderful place. Hearken ye, and join us in our fight for the Gnome folk.
SpacedInvader, Gnome King. |
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