I just moved to a new state and started my first year in a high school. It has been 2 full months already, and I have no friends. None. I talk to people in class and say hi to them in the hallways once in awhile,but that's it. I always feel like an idiot. I'm paranoid of what they are really thinking of me. Sometimes I suggest doing things on the weekend with some of the people I talk to most, but nothing ever follows through, they have plans.
Back home I would talk to everyone. my entire town knew who I was and I had many great friends. Ever since I moved to where I am now, I can't find many things to say. There are tons of silences, not always awkward, but just diiferent. The reason I moved here is really depressing as well as my whole life I lived before I moved here. I'm terrified of letting anyone know the truth about me until I get to know them better.
But how do I get to know someone? How do I know they aren't trying to be nice to the "new kid"?
This is the same way it is with me and boyfriends; harldy ever anything to say. I dream about never ending, interesting conversations, only because I have never been apart of one with a guy, or with anyone at my new school. None of my relationships with a guy have lasted longer than a month. I get dumped because it gets boring. what am I supposed to do to keep things fun and amusing? and to keep them interested in me?
Should I just give it time? How long? Has anyone been in my possition? I mean, I go to school and when I get there, there is usually about 30 minutes before class even starts. I feel stupid wondering around by myself, or standing there doing nothing. Most people go to the cafeteria and study with there friends in the mornings before class. I tried to participate in this activity with some people I had first period with, but conversations are always short. Besdies, what if they think I'm annoying, or that I'm folloing them around?
I miss my friends, and I hate to say it, but I miss my cold state of Minnesota, and the family members and frinds that I left behind. I miss my old school where they gave out and hour of homework every single night. I miss that "click" I had with people. I guess over time i forgot how to get that. maybe I am just so used to being pushed away from those I love that now it happens with everyone just naturally.
I know myself. I know me really well, but I think I'm lost somewhere. I have been pushed out of the world. Does the world not miss me? Somebody please help me. I have always felt alone, but now I feel it, and I litterally am alone? |
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