Thread Topic: Don't freak out but i seriously want to die
|
InMyRoom
Joined: Jul 5, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-26 22:19:01 |
|
I hate myself, i am so crazy that i am embarrassed to talk about it, i mean look at this, issues, i always have mixed emotions, and the people in my head are telling me what i should do, i am CRAZY, it is sooo hard to focus!! i cant explain what i am thinking about, no one will understand.i feel like my brain is tied in knots!! I want it all to end!!!! i shouldnt want to die but i feel like its my fate, i live in my own little world, I write on the walls, i keep writing the same things over and over!!! i keep hearing things like people coming up the stairs but no one is there, i hear a piano every night!! I like some one who doesnt really even exist, but they are with me all the time, only cause he seems like the only one who cares, but he does not exits, and i hate saying that about him!!! I cant take it anymore!!! I have been told i can only love and hate, and i do i either love you or hate you, if you hurt my feelings i hate you for life its soooo embarrassing, i got hurt the other day and i was so embarrassed cried, i cried all the way home. i cried cause i was embarrassed, not cause it hurt, and it did hurt... see my first thread for more details, if you care.... Disorder | Rating Paranoid: Very High Schizoid: Moderate Schizotypal: Very High Antisocial: High Borderline: Very High Histrionic: High Narcissistic: High Avoidant: Very High Dependent: High Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate not one was low!!! oh, sorry i got a little bit out of control, anyway, help please :( |
|
|
Unanswered Thread: my test results posted by darron46 1 hour ago |
|
|
_Steephe_x
Joined: Jul 26, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-26 22:58:18 |
| hey! i hope your okay. i read one of your last posts and thought youd like to know im just like you! Im very stubborn so no matter what i alwats get out of the killing myself thing. There have been a few times ive tried, but i just couldnt do it. I want you to know its not worth it. People do love you and things always get better sometime! im a Christian so that also keeps me back from killing myself sometimes because i want so badly to go to heaven and im scared if i go all the way i wont end up there :)! i dont know if that helped, but just hang on because you can get through it!! im here cheering you on because i know what your feeling. | |
|
InMyRoom
Joined: Jul 5, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-28 07:51:44 |
| yeah i always get out of killing my self cause i am scared at the same time, I am also a Christian and the thought of going to hell is soooo scary, they just closed my old school witch was a private school and a church that i grew up in, i didn't go there anymore cause it went up to 8th and now i am 10th.So i haven't been to church lately cause of that. My parents are mad at the church for voting the school to close. I hope i make it all the way to heaven too!!! Yes, you helped me, any one who responds helps me, everyones got a story to hear, or something to say. :) | |
|
sally22
Joined: Jul 31, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-31 22:15:02 |
|
youll be okay i dont know what else to say except i understand and hope that you will feel better |
|
|
Lindy
Joined: Aug 6, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-06 05:37:11 |
|
Hey there inmyroom, Try and focus on the little joys today. Lay on your back in the grass and what the clouds. Take a walk in nature and smell the fresh air. What are your interests? What do you like to do? What gives you joy? Concentrate on getting through today, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. |
|
|
TotalAversion
Joined: Aug 11, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-16 03:41:03 |
|
dude ... what gives you the idea you arent already in hell??? sounds like you are in hell to me... i KNOW i am in hell...(as is the rest of humanity, being human is the punishment!!!) the hard bit is learning to not feel bad about having problems... at least HALF of your bad feelings are going to be based on feeling bad about feeling bad... that ends up in a feedback loop that NO ONE can survive! get out of that loop as quick as you can manage it... its like screaming speakers in your brain... eeek... i grimace at the memory of that... you know the feeling i mean... i wake up each morning not wanting to live, but that doesnt mean at all that i want to die... or intend on dying... it just means i need to make some basic changes to myself to hate myself less... to be more the person i want to be and not this person i hate so much... slowly alowly slowly this happens if you keep in mind who you would prefer to be, and try to be... but be realistic about this... little bits at a time... dont stress if you dont change overnight... or if you fall into old habits... thats ok, you are, after all, just making it up as you go along, just like everyone else is... everything you can do to distract yourself from these feelings will ease the misery for a bit... , but do so in a SMALL WORLD area (your room, your house, your yard etc...) keep it small and as much as possible, dont refer your mind to the outside world.... that is NO place to base your frame of reference... they are INSANE out there!. seek the wisdom of those that have gone before... study psychology a bit online... come to know yourself and others like this... keep your interests small and keep them simple... play a computer game, plant a small garden, read books... cry under a pillow when you need to... but whatever, just accept that what you are doing is ok to be doing and dont worry if no one else you know understands that this is the best you can do right now... if its not good enough for others, well... who are they to judge you? what qualifies them to say you arent good enough? do they live your life to know what is best for you? if they DID live your life for a day, would THEY survive it?? well, you do... so you are stronger than you realize, and stronger than they will ever find out... try to not feel bad about feeling bad, you probably have good reasons to feel bad... just find out what those reasons are, and address them one at a time as best as you can... and if you cant figure it out by yourself, for your own sake, go ask a professional to help you figure it out!!! in fact, from your description, you would be best to seek professional help sooner rather than later... life in hell is hard to negotiate... but it can be done with a bit perseverance... expect to have alot of tears, and expect to have really bad days and also less bad ones and and dont beat yourself up over that... its part of the process... dont expect good days too quickly... they come, but dont force it... and one last thing before i go do other stuff, The reason i prefer to think this Planet is Hell is cause in Hell, you can expect things to to be unpleasant and for people to be cruel and for stuff to feel bad, but think on this... cause it is hell, IT COULD EASILY BE A LOT WORSE!!! MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH WORSE! and if you dont believe me, just look back at how other people have experienced life through history... You have problems, but you are not being rounded up by the government and murdered with your entire family... you are not starving to death in refugee camp in a war torn land with no hope of another meal... ever... in hell, all these are possible... and they occur with terrifying regularity... its not a good place, hell... and you quite easily could have been in a much worse predicament than you are... that always helps me feel better... that Hell hasnt (yet) done its worst to ME! (oh yeah, no escape from hell, if you kill yourself, you just reincarnate and have to start from scratch! so suicide is such a waste of time! may as well sort it out this time around!) you are not perfect, and regardless of others self advertising, no one is perfect... roll in that and enjoy it... :) TA |
|
|
Caticia
Joined: Aug 31, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-31 14:24:16 |
|
I have something similar happen to me but you seem to have more extreme. I hear things but it's not new things it's something I heard before. Like I can remember so clearly how it sounded when somebody said something and I can repeat it in my mind so it's almost like hearing it again. If I try I can hear my mom calling my name, for example. When I was in the hospital for surgery last year I had a morphine drip and I think the morphine made that feeling even more exaggerated. I would try to go to sleep knowing that my mom was sitting in a chair in the room and in my mind I would hear her walk out of the room so I'd open my eyes to check where she was going and she's still be there. Sometimes it was the opposite. She'd leave and I'd try to get to sleep while she was gone but I kept waking up to check if she was back yet. I don't think you should think of this as a curse or think that it's something to kill yourself over. Maybe you're schizophrenic. It's not the end of the world. You can get medication that will make you completely normal. The reason I was in the hospital was because of a tumor in my leg. I had leg pain for years and I finally demanded an X-ray and they found something. It was scary but I was also sort of happy. It was just good to know what the pain was. Knowing what it was meant that I could deal with it. I'm still dealing with it. 2 months ago I found out that the tumor came back so I'm getting surgery again in about 10 days. It's annoying that I have to do it again but atleast now I know that my scars will heal, I'll be able to walk eventually, and hopefully they'll get it this time. |
|
|
Laveria
Joined: Sep 8, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-08 06:05:56 |
|
I found it interesting what you said... "I like some one who doesnt really even exist, but they are with me all the time, only cause he seems like the only one who cares, but he does not exits, and i hate saying that about him!!!" Id like to hear more about it, but only because this is very similar to my own experience, and if you dont want to talk about it here, we can talk someplace else (msn or email) Id love to talk to you about it and share experiences, and maybe you need someone to talk to that feels the same way. I know I do to, it makes me feel better that im not alone and its not just me. |
|
|
Caticia
Joined: Aug 31, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-09 09:29:12 |
|
You know, now that I think about it I've had this on going guy in my dreams. I know that sounds soooo highschool or whatever but I seriously have had dreams where this guy was there that I've never met but I can see him so clearly. When I was younger and he was there I thought it was like my future husband or something. Has anyone thought that maybe we're not crazy and extra sensory whatever is real? I mean, so far I haven't seen any treatment options or proof of what this quiz thing diagnosed me with except for talking to someone who's just going to tell me I'm crazy anyway. |
|
|
fantasy
Joined: Jul 28, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-09-09 12:56:28 |
|
Hey, I actually read all of what you said .. and I know what you mean about being in loev with someone that doesn't even exist. I used to make up characters in my head, like personalities, I would giev them a personality and a look and even a voice timbre of their own, and it's strange because I kind of got to know them as people... like I would be sitting in class, or lying in bed, and I would kind of talk to them in my head and I knew them so well I knew what they would say to me. Some weren't the nicest people but this one guy was real nice to me and he understood what I was going through because he had problems of his own that he was struggling with, and although sometimes he lost his patience he was so supportive. And then one day, I was talking with someone and they were talking about if I like anybody, I said yes, then I started crying because I suddenly realized that he didn't really exist .. and I was depressed for 2 straight days, which is unusual because when I get depressed it's only for half a day, a day at most, and I couldnt get the idea that he didn't exist out of my head and it made me very sad and I felt like just dying and fading away into nothing. I did get over it but now he and me are just friends ... something got ruined by my realization. :( Anyway this is my result: Paranoid: High Schizoid: Moderate Schizotypal: Moderate Antisocial: High Borderline: Very High Histrionic: Very High Narcissistic: Very High Avoidant: High Dependent: Moderate Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate Most of the people who post here all have lots of High/Very High, that's why they stay, so don't worry about your results, you're not alone. Anyway what I wanted to say is that I understand what you feel to some extent I have experienced the same things. Don't feel too bad because there are people in the world that go through the same things you do feel the same pain you do, you are not alone in your pain. I wanted to die for a while too, but I'm going to put that off until I'm sure there's absolutely no hope to be happy again. |
|
|
Missy14
Joined: Aug 14, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-10 15:46:27 |
|
sure Laveria, if you ever check back at this post, I will be happy to talk about it because i feel like i have to get it out any way. what do you want to know about me and kevin, thats his name :D |
|
|
silverfernfarm
Joined: Sep 18, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-18 22:37:33 |
| Me too, though I won't cause I have kids and am working on mastering myself and dieing while still alive before my time is up. Total Aversion rocks, thanks it helped me. I'm ok, yet husband not helping and menopause on it's way. I have great kids and great sisters. I have alot to live for, sometimes though it hurts too much. Though it is always great to wake on a new morning and have a new view on the situation. You can do this and you'll be stronger and happier in the long run. Give yourself every chance to live. | |
|
Unanswered Thread: Nuclear Apocalypse posted by Gumba Gumba 19 hours ago |
|
|
Need to see a psychologist? Find reviews on the best doctors in your area at Angie's List
(Get access to thousands of reviews for a small charge) |
|
