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symphony
Joined: Sep 12, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-12 20:06:50 |
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Paranoid:Moderate Schizoid: Moderate Schizotypal:Very High Antisocial:High Borderline:Moderate Histrionic:High Narcissistic:High Avoidant: Very High Dependent:Very High Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate so I tend to avoid social situations unless I'm totally familiar with the people there and I know for a fact that they're non-judgemental. the people I am close to I need almost constant attention from to feel happy. I need to get my feelings out there I guess. because of that people usually get freaked out and stop being my friend, and yeah. as a result I kinda turn to food .. and get really sad. if I make mistakes and people see I basically have a meltdown. it's frustrating. I don't know if I should see a shrink or not, I keep debating and changing my mind. |
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Unanswered Thread: VRIELLIS PLEASE READ posted by Synapse 13 days ago |
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DazzlingVoid
Joined: Oct 5, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-05 22:48:23 |
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I know what you mean about avoiding situations unless with familiar, non-judgmental people. However, I decided to recently attend a high school reunion though I knew it would be tough on me. Still, I had hopes I would impress others as a confident, interesting adult. It didn't quite happen that way, and for a couple days I actually felt shattered by the experience (though I acted normal enough on the outside). I realized it was just that: I didn't trust that they weren't judging me. I felt like a complete freak. For some reason I'm feeling better at the moment, but I've really gotten worried. At work, in formal situations, where people are forced to act super polite, I actually have something of a dominant personality that seems to attract people. But there have been some departmental changes lately that have thrown me off balance and I've been doubting everything I say and do and now I feel my ability to comfortably act myself slipping. I fear I am losing myself completely. I would like to talk to someone about it, but personally I know I don't want to get into medication. I've heard just having someone listen to you can help. I don't believe anyone, or any happy pill, can "cure" me, and I'm very skeptical that anyone can have a big impact on my life, but perhaps it couldn't hurt just to talk things out with someone. If you do decide to meet with someone, I wish you all the luck with it. It could be a really good thing. But it's up to you. Some thing that I've learned, but for some reason have yet to internalize completely, is that most people are as self-conscious as you. In fact, they are usually so self-conscious, they don't even notice your mistakes, or care that much about them. And if they do, then they are just plain mean, and who cares what mean people think? A lesson I'm starting to learn from this reunion nightmare is that confidence isn't something you inherit by being a great person; confidence is something you pretend to have and by acting confident, you become confident. And by being confident, people will naturally like you. To me that sounds shallow--why can't people just like me for who I am, and just see the good in me automatically?--but that's not how it works. Most people are messed up and struggling to some degree, and so when they see someone rise above their own struggles, it earns a lot of respect. What I still haven't figured out is friendships. I feel I'm a lot like you, symphony, in that I keep needing affirmation from my friends. For some reason I got it into my head that friends were all supposed to be close bosom buddies, like in Desperate Housewives and other shows I watch and books I read where there's a great commitment to the relationship by all parties. While such relationships may exist, I've been observing most in the world don't seem to have such friendships. It's a shame, and it doesn't help my feelings of loneliness to know this, but actually if I accept the friendships I do have, as shallow/deep as they may be, maybe I could be happier and stop pushing them away by being so needy. Anyway, I'm glad to be able to talk all that out. Thanks! I definitely don't think you're alone. Not sure what the best thing to do is as I'm in the same boat; if you do figure things out, perhaps post to let us all know! |
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symphony
Joined: Sep 12, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-03 17:46:21 |
| man sorry i haven't been on here for such a long time .. but i think you've made a really good point. i think i'll just see how it pans out for now, and fix stuff up later if i can't help the situation any further by myself. | |
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elisafauzana
Joined: Aug 27, '09
Status: Senior User |
2009-11-03 18:20:16 |
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U've got two good points, DazzlingVoid. 1."confidence isn't something you inherit by being a great person; confidence is something you pretend to have and by acting confident, you become confident." --whether u like it or not, whether u find it sucks n so hypocritical or not, u just have to pretend. that's how it works. 2."most in the world don't seem to have such friendships-where friends were all supposed to be close bosom buddies, like in Desperate Housewives" --personally i never had any best friend. for me, friends comes n goes. while such "friendship" may exist, but for me, it doesn't. i tend to be so damn close to someone that we miss each other when we were apart for even short period, then over the time, that close friend just vanishes until i can't even recall how much we meant for each other. whether it's because of my personality disorder or that's how it works..i'm not sure. |
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Unanswered Thread: OCD Bracelet Fund Raiser posted by vbaz 34 days ago |
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