Thread Topic: Am I Avoidant?
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LCL
Joined: Dec 13, '09
Status: New User |
2009-12-13 09:04:57 |
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I’m a 17 year old guy. Recently I’ve been thinking about a lot of stuff and I've been trying to figure out who I am as a person in this world. Spending hours on the internet I stumbled across tis thing that I've never even heard of before, Avoidant Personality Disorder. After reading about this disorder i thought to myself, **** that sounds like me. I am only just realising that my behaviour is not normal; I used to think nothing of the symptoms or my poor social skills. I’m defintely really sensitive to rejection and criticism. I wouldn't have the guts to ask a girl out because I fear rejection too much, I can’t even handle the thought of doing it. Extreme shyness in social situations sounds like me, I can't relate to anyone unless we are talking about hobbies and I don’t talk much in social situation in fear of saying something that people will use against me or something that they could use to criticize me. If my good friend is there they Ill fair better because I’m can talk to him and get into conversations with others a bit easier but otherwise I won’t say much. People seems to talk about the most meaningless crap or are always cracking sexual jokes that aren’t really funny, not to me at least. I’ve always felt inferior to the popular kids at school. I don’t even know why, I just felt like that I was an inferior being and not on the same level. I avoid interpersonal relationships too unless I’m certain that I will click with the other person, probably part of the reason I only have a couple of close friends. I'm realising that I am extremely self conscious. I'm always thinking that people are judging me about my appearance and what I say. For years I’ve had this in my head the most people are judgemental dogs but it’s probably all in my head. I really avoid any situations I can where I recognise I’m going to be a pathetic loner or where its going to be awkward. I feel like everyone is probably thinking how much of a loser I am. I aint going to attempt to talk to anyone though because I fear rejection too much. The only symptom I can definitely say I don’t have is using fantasy as an escape, well unless you count video games, which are basically my escape from reality. I feel that all of this stems back towards how I was brought up. My relationship with my parents is distant, I feel like I was raised by school, video games and TV. I don’t know any relatives and my parents are not social at all. Maybe I've already answered the question myself but do you's think I’m an Avoidant |
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Unanswered Thread: paranoid hypochondriac posted by cncathy 6 hours ago |
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Hip
Joined: Aug 10, '09
Status: Senior User |
2009-12-13 09:58:55 |
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Yeah you are. "I feel like I was raised by school, video games and TV. I don’t know any relatives and my parents are not social at all." That would do it. Just a question, if your parents are obviously not busy having a life OR raising you then what do they do all day? |
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Jeanine
Joined: Nov 2, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-12-13 11:56:33 |
| I can relate to raised infront of tv. My parents worked sometimes after hours. If its boring i watch tv. I learned about life and ppl through the tv. Smtimes my view of reality isnt right | |
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tb_
Joined: Dec 17, '09
Status: New User |
2009-12-17 12:10:55 |
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i didnt know anything about this either i was just looking up stuff because the doctor thinks i have higher anxiety for my age (16 female) but i now think i have this i fit most of it and it sounds like me i just used to think i was a bit different i remember sometimes using fantasy as escape and i do still now sometimes i also think im a bit depressed too. |
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Darla shea
Joined: Dec 22, '09
Status: New User |
2009-12-22 18:08:03 |
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Your story sounds exactly like what I had, avoidant personality disorder or social anxiety which is a milder case. You can still unlearn what you have been thinking, I did. Try hanging out with your close friends, without drinking, while they socialize with strangers. Eventually you will get more comfortable and less scared of situations because nothing really bad will happen. If you feel like you blushed, stuttered or said something stupid and seem awkward, that's ok, it's not the end of the world, just tell yourself who cares cause it's not a big deal and you aren't inferior or unworthy. You deserve to have confidence like everyone else socializing. I would just start by smiling and saying hi. Change your thinking patterns to, "I am just as worthy and as adequate as these other people who are socializing with confidence. I am safe here, it's just people. They aren't superior to me. I deserve to have just as much confidence as them. And who cares what they think of me anyway! Just say what I want and it will be fine. Not to worry, I am worthy and am tired of being afraid, sitting on the side lines. It's time to end my fear. Just practice socializing at an increasing rate. If you fumble don't sweat it, you are trying." I also feel constantly criticized but people are probably too busy to notice us and don't care and neither should we. Good luck! |
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hatingpizza
Joined: Jan 11, '10
Status: New User |
2010-01-11 16:07:27 |
| I have the same thing. try talking to people that don't really matter to you. (ugly people, relatives). use them as practice for the higher ones. | |
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camiecm
Joined: Jan 14, '10
Status: New User |
2010-01-14 22:02:03 |
| See. I am just realizing this about myself as well...and this fit very well. As far as practicing on people who you think are inferior...I have noticed that I can feel very comfortable aound those people...but it doesnt help me "move up". And ive met people who weigh more than me, not as cute as me, and rotten teeth, but thry had a personality that just attracted people...where mine does not...Im always classified as "the sweet one that wants to get along with everyone and be fair. I rarely stick up for myself. I want to be the one that just "tells u like they see it" and not worry abou what people think | |
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Jaybird
Joined: Jan 12, '10
Status: New User |
2010-01-15 11:05:54 |
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I like what Darla Shea said. That's right, it's just a learned fear that can be overcome. I think it is a cluster of symptoms, or "syndrome," that may be far more common than even most professionals realize. I think what happens is that we all make the "big picture assumptions" about what we are like, what other people are like, and what the world in general is like, before we are old enough to remember. We just pick up the assumptions of those who raised us. And nobody ever gets to see reality, they only ever get to see their own personal experience of it, but that is always going to be distorted. I think that the great mass of humanity falls into only a few "syndromes." We are not just wild animals, though. We don't just have to go along with whatever we feel driven to do. We have a mind that is capable of imagining new choices, and then choosing them. We don't have to live our parent's lives, our grandparent's, lives, etc. We don't have to do what we were taught to do, especially when it makes us unhappy, and when it makes it more difficult for us to survive. We can change our scripts, quit performing the self-destructive behaviors we have been taught, and choose to do something else. We can figure out which fears are rational, which fears are not, and change how we feel. We can choose to break down those learned feelings of worthlessness, unacceptability, restriction, and social anxiety, and replace those with feelings of freedom and happiness. We can work out for ourselves what reality must, in fact, look like, even though we still "feel" the old distortions, and then choose to walk on out on that faith instead. It's not easy, it's both scary and exhilirating at the same time. Everyone individual human being has the power to choose. We can survive, adapt, evolve ... and escape. |
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Nicas
Joined: Jan 17, '10
Status: New User |
2010-01-17 13:28:43 |
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I was just like you, trying to "figure out who I am as a person in this world". I tried everything. Astrology, for example. Now it seems stupid, but it didn't really seem like I'm an actual Virgo, I mean, I'm not that rational... So I started to make personality testes. I mistrust people all the time, even my parents. They were never caring. I have one fantastic older sister, so they wanted me to be like her, but we are so different. My parents make me feel inferior, so I feel myself inferior to everyone. My head is full of fantasy stories that I created to escape from painful memories. Those memories are usually episodes of people that I thought that were my friends rejecting me. It was never fair because I always made a huge effort to be a good friend. It looks like it was never enough. I shouldn't be so emotional distant. I feel like I need to run from people. I never had a boyfriend. I wanted to, but I'm love-shy. I can't be assertive when I'm around a cute boy. So I understand perfectly when you say you can't ask a girl out. I feel like I'm always alone. Well, when I made the test and discovered that I have a personality disorder, I started to cry, because I’m so scared about it means. I don't know how to deal with that, I'm only 17. I understand what people say in the other comments, but it doesn’t sound like the solution to me. I'm afraid of never be able to be happy. |
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LCL
Joined: Dec 13, '09
Status: New User |
2010-01-20 19:34:33 |
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Thanks for all the replys. Alot of the advice mentioned may help but its easier said than done. Nicas, the tests on the internet are not 100% accurate, did your test come up with HIGH on Avoidant or was it another personality disorder? Atleast we are both 17 and have plenty of time to improve, im optimistic even though I dont have a plan. I may just have bad social anxiety, and not avoidant personality disorder, oh well who knows.... |
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Cali
Joined: Jan 22, '10
Status: New User |
2010-01-22 12:01:00 |
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I feel the same exact way. I avoid people and often I even avoid my friends when they invite me to their houses for the weekend. Sometimes I just want to stay home and read or geton the computer for hours. I escape to fantasy at least once a day. I read almost nonstop and I'm writing a book that is total fantasy. I love being inside the heads of fictional characters and the more different from me the better in my mind. Most of the time when I'm in a large group my mind wanders to books I've read or the book I'm writing. I'm only sixteen so I guess that can change, but I don't see how the advice above is going to help me. I guess I'm the same as all of you, I have avoidant personality disorder...hmm, guess I'll have to learn to deal with it. |
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MeMyselfAndI
Joined: Dec 10, '09
Status: Junior User |
2010-01-25 22:46:27 |
| Oh wow, this is almost identical to me, like I'm no good in social groups unless my best friend is there, I fear rejection, all that. The only difference is that your escape is video games, mine is Loud music/cutting myself. Please don't cut yourself though, it's a horrible thing to get into, just read some of the posts under BPD and you'll see what I mean. | |
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lula
Joined: Jan 27, '10
Status: New User |
2010-01-27 17:23:10 |
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Hey I'm exactly like you, especially in the dating department. I'm in my twenties and I've only dated two guys and both times it was them that asked me out. If I like a guy I would especially avoid talking to them just because I'm afraid that the guy might think that I'm stupid. I've learned to deal with being comfortable in social situations over the years. My way of staying comfortable in social situations is that I pretend to be someone else. That way, even if somebody doesn't like me it won't be me that they don't like so it won't be me getting rejected. I've learned that I can be very likable and social when I don't have that fear of rejection in my heart weighting me down. I'll bet you're the same as well. Sadly, that method doesn't work with the guys that I like, because I want them to like "me" but if I'm myself I can't talk to them... Still trying to work on that :) |
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zdeville
Joined: Jan 28, '10
Status: New User |
2010-01-28 02:26:21 |
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I am 29 years old and I have always lived just above the poverty level. I never had doctors or insurance to help me out and always felt to worried and like I shouldnt be at community centers that could help. I think I just found out what my problem might be and this is where I have landed. My best advice is to seek as much help as you possibly can while you are young enough to still be doing it on your parents insurance and guidance. I feel like I am out to sea without a map or a way to shore now. |
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disorderly
Joined: Jan 29, '10
Status: New User |
2010-01-29 17:55:06 |
| my escapes are daydreaming and p---, and i also cut myself for the first time today. it felt great but i regret it. | |
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Unanswered Thread: No Subject posted by alwaysknew 1 day ago |
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