Thread Topic: Borderline - Cutting Yourself
|
kakashiikruus
Joined: Jun 28, '09
Status: New User |
2009-06-28 14:59:38 |
|
it jsut kind of fascinates me. I sit there and scratch my skin off in little white flakes and its like snow and then slowly it turns pink, then red, then there bloof dripping slowly down ym arm and its just so bright and somehow baitiful. and the clean knife that now has red on it... i dunno it all jsut kind of pulls me in and I cnat stop watching. I like the scars too. I bassically thoroughly enjoy the whole experience. |
|
|
Unanswered Thread: VRIELLIS PLEASE READ posted by Synapse 13 days ago |
|
|
Wingfish
Joined: Jul 1, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-01 22:11:17 |
| I agree with sar21- that's mostly why I do it. It calms me down too- if I try to stop for any length of time, I get sort of suicidal and I don't know why. | |
|
Wingfish
Joined: Jul 1, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-01 22:43:01 |
| Sorry, thought the 1st comment was the last one- just realised. sar21 is on page 1. | |
|
jonesey50
Joined: Jul 3, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-03 08:48:18 |
| I am 50 years old and a cutter. I started when I was about 17. Don't remember the first time I cut, so don't know how the thought even came to mind. When I was young, there wasn't any information about this type of behavior. I thought I was the only one who did it. Stopped cutting when I was about 20, and started again about 3 years ago. My issue, I found, is rejection by men. I've been told I'm boderline personality, but there are a lot of areas in that description that do not apply to me. Also, when I took the test, it showed me as 'high' in dependent personality, but I don't think I quite fit into that category either. I did see a counselor for some time that taught DBT (dialectical behavior therapy). That helped, but when it came right down to that moment of "I need to cut", I cut. It's easy to believe that you can control what you feel when things are good, but when things are bad, they're not so controllable. I feel worthless, alone, ashamed, angry - I blame myself for what other's feel (especially in partner relationships). I try to be perfect - say the perfect things - do the perfect things, and I end up still hurting people I care for and blaming myself. So, I punish myself for not being the perfect person. However, it's not just a punishment, but as others have said, it is a release. As soon as I cut, it's like I can breathe again and start to relax. Until that point, I feel like I'm going to explode. Anyway, maybe this will help someone else understand that they are definitely not alone with this "addiction". | |
|
peppermint
Joined: Jul 3, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-03 16:16:05 |
|
I have been cutting myself for years and this is the first time I have ever sought out a site like this. I just want to thank everyone for their comments, it is helpful to read everyones comments, and feel like I am not alone. Especially Carebear's comments, had my crying, just because it is so touching to have a non-cutter want to understand the mindset of a cutter. I cut myself for the same reasons as everyone else. In a sick way, I am also proud to see the paper towels afterwards soaked in blood. I have thought about suicide so many times and written so many letters. At the end of the day, I dont have the guts to do it. I just wish I could disappear. |
|
|
Dreamhearts
Joined: Jul 4, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-04 19:46:00 |
|
Another way you could look at it, seeing how you don't see why a there isn't a natural inclination against doing so, I will explain it in such a way. In my case, when I found myself doing it, I find myself alone and trapped in my room. I live with just my mom and she's very strict. I had no "outlet" as my dad puts it. Basically I had gotten in trouble for bursting out on my mom with an attitude and such. I lose my computer, my phone, any means of communication and even my music. What happens when an animal is caged? Does it always just sit there? The answer is no. Some perhaps, but it is known for the animal to kill itself in a desperate attempt to escape from its perison. This was similiar to my situation. As for the pain, I never felt it. I liked it, and wanted more. I did it over and over and over. Soon enough, I felt calmer and I would fall asleep for the next 14 hours. Of course there were times where I didn't have anything sharp enough and I would use my nails and claw in anger wanting to feel pain. I was so mad I found myself uncontrolable, other than throwing things around. Once my mom left, I got in my truck and drove off. Usually, wrecklessly, hoping to drive straight into a tree, but my boyfriend lives close and I make it to his house very fast and then we just... well you can imagine what we do alone. Not only that, humans have come far from their natural instincts. Humans rarely even act on instect anymore. |
|
|
neokittycyanide
Joined: Jul 6, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-06 09:01:40 |
|
Cutting/burning/etc... I've done it. I've attempted suicide before, but my mother never caught on, due to her methamphetamine usage. I would cut (and try to off myself) because it's a balance thing... the pain on the inside gets too great, so I'd balance it with pain on the inside. However, I woke up one morning (after going off the deep end and making nearly 200 cuts on my arm) and I saw my scars and told myself that I would never do it again. I wasn't going to be the bride with zebra stripes all over her. I wasn't going to be the freak with razors and knives hidden in her room anymore. It's been a rough journey and I still have my urges, but when I get those urges, I talk to someone. Talking to people saves lives. |
|
|
neokittycyanide
Joined: Jul 6, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-06 09:04:40 |
| Whoops, I meant pain on the inside gets too great, so I'd balance it with pain on the OUTSIDE. | |
|
SAYWHAT
Joined: Jul 6, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-06 14:17:56 |
| IT'S ODD, BUT CUTTING IS A RELEASE FROM MY ANGER AND DEPRESSION. THE MOMENT I CUT I CAN'T FEEL PAIN, AT LEAST NOT NORMALLY, ALL I CAN FEEL IS RELEASE...LIKE A HUGE SIGH AFTER YOU'VE CRIED, YOU KNOW??? | |
|
cajun
Joined: Jul 9, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-09 09:30:51 |
| When I was younger I would burn myself if cutting didn't release the anxiety.As I got oldeer the cutting got worse(especially if I was drinking). To day I live with the guilt. Not only did I hurt myself, I never imagined how my actions would affect my family. I cut myself recently and I'm lucky to be alive. After all that ,I still have an urge to feel a release, and I don't know how to help myself. | |
|
new_babe
Joined: Jul 10, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-10 20:57:52 |
| hi and i cut mii self . im nt emo . bt i cut bcuz i be so fukin mad . and i started 3/15/09 . and i hav cut miiself a total of 25 times | |
|
s123
Joined: Jul 12, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-12 13:50:34 |
| I haven't cut myself for twelve years. I still think about it often. Lately I've been feeling sorry for myself and isolated. I know I'll get our of this funk. I'm trying to let it go. Whatever. | |
|
Fatality
Joined: Jul 14, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-14 09:11:51 |
| I first did it when i was thirteen (almost seventeen now). You know that feeling you get, when you're so angry or whatever you just want to punch a wall? When i started doing it, i would punch myself instead, often till i would bleed. I moved to cutting myself, to release these feelings, and to take my mind of the inside pain with the outside pain, when people noticed i was limping quite often, and on alternate legs. Since then i cut myself perhaps three times per week, just to make myself feel better. I'm never proud of what i do to myself, but i don't regret it either, i tell myself i must do what i must do to stop me killing myself, for the sake of the few friends i have, but they never see it that way. | |
|
kake
Joined: Jul 14, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-14 10:23:31 |
| I cut myself because when im really sad or angry I think about cutting and it kind of calms me because i know its going to hurt and i know its going to be hard.... then when i just say do it and i start going really fast... Its over and i feel accomplished and relieved and in a great mood.. Funny how that works LOL | |
|
Monster
Joined: Jul 14, '09
Status: New User |
2009-07-14 21:39:09 |
| cutting for me isn't to feel something or to relase pain, i cut cause of the moster inside of me telling me to. it's kinda hard to explain...but at random times in the day i just cut myself without even knowing it. I almost did it in front my friend till i regain thought of myself. it's werid cause i hate cutting but i love to throw up...is that werid or am i just crazy?? | |
|
Unanswered Thread: OCD Bracelet Fund Raiser posted by vbaz 34 days ago |
|
|
Need to see a psychologist? Find reviews on the best doctors in your area at Angie's List
(Get access to thousands of reviews for a small charge) |
|