Thread Topic: Im no ok.
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carrsox
Joined: Sep 10, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-10 18:34:02 |
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i am a senior in high school. last year i experienced a horrible break up of my 5 year long boyfriend. I cheated on him, he cheated on me ... we hated eachother... and relyed are relationship on sex. he broke up with me... and i lost my mind. i tried killing my 3 times. i felt like i lost all my friends to him... and everyday i screamed inside WHAT HAPPENED WHY DOESNT HE LOVE ME I DONT GET IT!!!!! WHAT HAPPENED?.... that question haunted me until i went from 120lbs to 106. at 5;5. i was a mess. thats when i was diagnosed with clinical depression at the age of 16. I would love my family one minute... and the next think they werent understanding or talking about me behind my back. i felt like i had nobody and everybody was talking about me and how crazy i was. the medication helped a little.. but the theropy was a blow. i got drunk on top of my anti depressents becuase it increased the liguir... i wanted no reality and to feel good for once. i would do hard drugs and not think twice about setting an example for my two younger siblings. i snorted lines on a daily... popped any pill i found... or crushed it and snorted it. Ive been a chain smoker for a year now... and ive slept with 11 guys in one year... barely. my mom believes i have BPD... and i know i do. never in my life have i ever felt like i was okay... i felt like i was always the depressed girl... always hurt... always something wrong... but i hid it all... behind my pretty face and all my friends and guys. its been 6 years... and in the last year the symptoms have only increased... i want to fix it. i want to be happy... i dont know what happened... i dont know why i couldnt just handle the pain. nobody cuts me slack in my family even when they know im dealing with a mental disorder thats still going untreated do to the fact that no doctors are availible. i need help and fast.. i cant deal with myself anymore. this year... my senior year i am holding an assemble as my "senior project" (senior projects are presentations we need to do in front of a small group to graduate) I decided i wanted an assemble. My senior project is on "How high school conflicts effect the psychiatric mind of a teenage student and enable mental disorders" im doing this becuase i believe its time to speak out. for people to realize WORDS HURT... they cut and sting like any knife would. im doing this to raise awareness for mental disorders... we need more help in schools... we need to make it okay for students to want to get help... we can prevent suicide.. i believe i am meant to do this... i will tell my story which is in small detail above.. to my entire high school. i am known as the prettiest girl in school... that jock... you know "that b----" ... i hate it.. but its my earned title i suppose. nobody knows what ive been through... nobody knows what theyve actually caused. and im going out with a bang. my story is an open book because im going to help raise awareness. its my passion.. its me. |
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Unanswered Thread: Nothing wrong with paranoia. posted by IntroduckToni 1 day ago |
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Maggie11
Joined: Sep 12, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-12 16:21:44 |
| you did not sound good! How are you today? | |
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hopscotch
Joined: Sep 8, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-13 00:45:17 |
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holy s--- youv been through a lot.. that tellin the school idea, i reckon its really good, but what if it doesnt work? theres always gonna be that one douche who will be a dick. theres always at least one group. hope it works out for you.. hang in there, you are so brave. good luck |
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Unanswered Thread: My results posted by lucky13 2 days ago |
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