Thread Topic: Any people on this site dx with BPD now 'normal' & happy
|
Linda
Joined: Sep 22, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-22 13:45:50 |
|
Yes, I am trying to get him help - have been trying for about 4 years now since first signs of problems with depression/suicidal talk, cutting, mood issues, chronic marijuana use (admitted self medicating), etc. He was recently very enthusiastic to see a Dr. again after only agreeing to go a few times before and also trying a few other options like teen center, anger management, school councilor, etc, but he is on and off about allowing help - quickly turns against the help, feels it's stupid and dismisses all help, but when in the right mood is willing to talk and is very revealing about his feelings. So I hope he gets in the right mood when he has the appointment! But as the mother - I want to skip ahead and ask - if he does have a personality disorder - what is the chance of a cure by therapy, medication or simply growing out of it. He was a happy kid much of the time until high school, and although he was sort of shy and quiet, he was and is well liked, but he has developed such a dark, negative, moody and even judgmental side. I wonder since he was once so much happier - can he return to that? Are there any people on this site who have had the BPD diagnosis, but are now living so called 'normal' and happy lives? I'm sort of afraid to ask this here, since I imagine if people are posting here, they are likely still dealing with the issue, but I would still love to hear of any improvements people have made with this. Thanks so much! |
|
|
Unanswered Thread: my test results posted by darron46 1 hour ago |
|
|
Hip
Joined: Aug 10, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-09-22 14:01:58 |
| How old is he? | |
|
Fatality
Joined: Jul 14, '09
Status: Senior User |
2009-09-22 14:10:53 |
|
To answer Hip's Q: Any people on this site dx with BPD now 'normal' & happy Concerned about 19 yr old son, possible BPD :) To answer the topic Q, some people say medication helps, though personally i wouldn't trust a pill to help me (opinion really though) and i haven't experienced diaognosis (i just forgot how to spell the word, excuse me..) so i have no first hand experience. |
|
|
Hip
Joined: Aug 10, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-09-22 14:34:46 |
|
Uh? How did you know? You two know each other? Anyway, if the guy was a happy kid up until high school then something must of triggered the transition to his "dark and moody" side. This s--- dont happen overnight. If I were you Linda, I'd try to cure the source of the problem instead of the symptoms. If he became like this overnight, then it sounds to me he just got caught into the whole emo trend where acting pathetic and trying to kill yourself is now popular n cool. Thats something thats gonna be hard to pull him out of though, especially if he's 19. I'm 20, and I cant stress enough when I say NOBODY "reforms" me, ever. |
|
|
Fatality
Joined: Jul 14, '09
Status: Senior User |
2009-09-22 23:59:24 |
| No theres a tiny little sub-title when you're on the main forum, but don't worry its not hard to miss :p | |
|
Linda
Joined: Sep 22, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-23 04:31:39 |
|
He is 19 and the issue seemed to be that since he was shy (and that usually means low confidence) and this was the first time he had to go to a new school! Yes, he went to the same little school from kindergarten until grade 8 and that start into the new school,even though he already had some friends there, I think it was just the combination of the early teen years and the low confidence, he was too immature to deal with all his emotions, so he just sort of gave up and then he started telling friends that he wanted to kill himself, worked well under his abilities and even with reasonable accommodations made over the years, he just kept getting worse; low or failing grades, weed, weed, weed, skipping, and finally dropped out over a year ago. I let him know that I will continue to be supportive and loving and accepting to a degree, but that I need him to at least work and act reasonably. He has gone many, many months with no or little work and although he did just go back to a job that he quit in February (after only being there a month) and yes, they still wanted him back - that is evidence of how well liked and what a good worker he is (when he does work), that even his boss, knowing how he really is - still wanted him back! That gives me so much hope, BUT, I already see the negative attitude from him - he is saying the only reason he works is for food and weed. (I am going to be asking for $100 towards the rent so he will understand he needs to work for that too no matter where he lives and he does want to get his own place with his GF as soon as she graduates in June.) I am expecting that he will just quit again with the excuse that he plans to get another job, but then it will be months again for no or little work. I can't bear for him to give into his negative, depressive hopeless moods! He was just glowing his first day back at work and that was after doing a 14 hr shift (usually only works 8 hrs), but after the newness wore off, in only a few days, he is back to depressed. One thing that shocked me the other day when he was talking about a lot of feelings and things - it made me look again at the idea of a personality disorder - he started talking very enthusiastically, yet too seriously about this 2012 thing....you know where the world is supposed to go thru some big change of consciousness due to the planets aligning and there will be all this death and destruction. He has not talked about anything religious or dramatic like that sort of thing and with such conviction - but I think that he may have with some friends, but he was sooo serious and harsh about it all - like he seemed in some strange mindset about it, like maybe sort of delusional or something - and then he said, "I think I should be the head of all the scientists"!!!! That is delusions of grandeur if ever I heard it! He has only shown me that sort of side of him, when he occasionally would say he thought he could become a famous singer...he is just an average singer. I believe he has been spending a lot of time escaping into fantasy and can't see how he is exaggerating his own abilities to compensate for his low accomplishments although I read a journal he wrote about how realistically he does see his situation about falling behind his old school friends and had a realistic grasp on his situation - I could see him struggling to deal with things, but there was this hopelessness in how he wrote. He occasionally expresses that he doesn't care much about our family - he wants to just walk away and forget about us. Although it is hurtful, I try to understand where it is coming from, but I know that with some personality disorders, relationships are often difficult to manage, to be loving and accepting and although many teens just want to walk forget about their family, there is something more severe about the way he talks. I can see how he might isolate himself from us and even with his gf, he often says he just wants to get rid of her, alternating with saying they will be together forever, now again, I know these feelings are normal to a degree, but it's the way he talks about it, hard to convey, but it's just more severe. Anyhow, I could go on and on, but I wouldn't expect anyone to want to read more. haha So I will just leave it at that and see what people have to contribute about this. Thanks again! |
|
|
Linda
Joined: Sep 22, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-23 04:40:04 |
|
Boy, when I posted that last one and saw how huge it was - I want to apologize - too much! But I just have to add - that for the past 2 years or so, he has also had a few other things - sudden rage where he punches walls, etc and cutting himself when he feels both angry/sad (although he tried to keep that from me), and even punching himself in his own face repeatedly in a rage because he looked at the people around him, me , his gf and a good friend, and he wanted to hit someone during a time when he couldn't get weed to calm down, but knew he couldn't hit us... so he hit started smashing himself. Yes, this is certainly emo-ish, but gone far beyond. |
|
|
Hip
Joined: Aug 10, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-09-23 09:03:16 |
|
lololololol... oh man that reminds me almost exactly of this guy on totse named HandOfZek. He had social anxiety disorder, constant mood swings that we got a record from his thousands of posts. He constantly cuts himself and probably 1/4 of his posts were threats of suicide. When he dropped out of college for like the third time, his girlfriend dumped him and left with their 2 kids to another state. Since then, he turned bisexual, startin growing his hair and f---ing himself up the ass with a metal curtain rod that had a sharp spot on the end so... um, I forgot how that one ended. Literal butthurt and a trip to the hospital maybe? Find out (and laugh) some more at [no urls] Hopefully your son wont do the last freaky thing thing mentioned above X( About your son rambling about the 2012 apocalypse and whatever, weed opens up philosophical thinking and you shouldnt be surprised if he laughs at s--- normally unfunny or talks weird s--- that either makes no sense or is lengthy and so full of s--- it may as well make no sense, cuz youd facepalm without being as high as him to understand the flow. Weed definitely had that effect on me on the height of my pothead highschool loser phase. Theres not much you can do to help him out though. Hes an adult and he'll change when he wants to, not when someone asks him to. You can try him meds but treating depression and shyness mainly involves stimulants, and if youre already freaked out by him raping your house walls with his fist, I doubt you'd want him on that. |
|
|
Hip
Joined: Aug 10, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-09-23 09:03:59 |
|
Damn, here's the url: http//www(dot)encyclopediadramatica(dot)com/HandOfZek |
|
|
Fatality
Joined: Jul 14, '09
Status: Senior User |
2009-09-23 10:11:43 |
|
http//www.encyclopediadramatica.com/HandOfZek To help out :) |
|
|
Fatality
Joined: Jul 14, '09
Status: Senior User |
2009-09-23 10:12:39 |
| Oh well it didn't link :\ | |
|
Hip
Joined: Aug 10, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-09-23 11:03:42 |
| You forgot the colon after http, durrrr. | |
|
Fatality
Joined: Jul 14, '09
Status: Senior User |
2009-09-23 11:14:18 |
|
You did, i copy and pasted and edited the dots :) http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/HandOfZek |
|
|
Linda
Joined: Sep 22, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-27 18:32:29 |
|
Thanks for answers thus far - hope to have more insight. Good news is that he has been back to work for a few weeks now - not a full 5 days yet - more like 4 days...maybe a good thing so he isn't overwhelmed. Only issue is between his work hours and his gf work hours (she works same place) and her still in high school till June, his issue is how little time he has with her and he is very emotionally dependent on her...so he may just have a bad moment and quit again...won't be taken back if he does that again. Then it's back to suicidal thought and cutting, etc. He is still using weed and twice came home from work late at night and asked me to do some with him. Of course I didn't, if I thought it would help - I would, but I know it will not change anything significantly. Her thinks it will make me understand - although I did smoke it as a teen and he knows it, but he claims it is different now. Haha Anyhow, this Friday , hopefully he will come to that Dr app I made for him and may lead to some help. Hopefully he can make smart choices and keep his thinking to a more normal pattern for his age. I am braced for things to fall apart - but am not letting him see that - I am not making a big deal about anything he is or isn;t doing - just being calm and caring. Hope I'm doing the right thing. Hope that if I did things along the way, that it can be repaired. I didn't abuse or neglect him of course, but maybe helped him too much and didn't let him learn on his own when I should have...maybe something like that. Do people here with BPD feel that their parents contributed to their condition? Who, if anyone, do they blame? |
|
|
Hip
Joined: Aug 10, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-09-27 19:33:05 |
|
Oversheltering your kid will do that. I dunno if I should keep posting in this thread as I dont have BPD so hell if I could claim to understand or know anything about anyone who has it. But it definitely can be a result of bad upbringing. My mother had BPD and she was neglected as a kid big time. Both her parents were severely f---ed up alcoholics. I'm not calling you an alcaholic hoe, but if you think you raised him with too much hand-holding then that may have contributed to all his emotional and physical dependencies now. Another thing: make sure not to make the mistake of treating him like he's still a kid when you're worried about whatever he is doing. Treat him like you would your brother. If you dont recognize his independence (whether or not he mentally is) he'll be less likely to listen. So far I think your handling it fine. "I am not making a big deal about anything he is or isn;t doing - just being calm and caring. " that is the key. |
|
|
Unanswered Thread: Nuclear Apocalypse posted by Gumba Gumba 19 hours ago |
|
|
Need to see a psychologist? Find reviews on the best doctors in your area at Angie's List
(Get access to thousands of reviews for a small charge) |
|
