Thread Topic: Let's talk real problems for a moment...
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Synapse
Joined: Oct 24, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-09 14:14:31 |
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Okay so I was raised in a village in Africa during which time I was witness to rape murder and the law of the jungle, I survived a military coup in the Gambia in 1994 and came back to England in 1998 having such a rough upbringing made it nigh impossible to progress socially in a western society I started suffering from depression throughout high school although I did manage to create a small group of friends. College was cool really, probably my finest hour I was going to parties and living pretty well going out with friends etc. My mother moved out when I was 16 to go stay with some army guy she met on the internet, the irony being that my mom and dad were cheating on each other for years. At university I became an alcoholic beyond the realms of a normal students alcoholism and developed an addiction to ketamine/MDMA mixtures which I took to combat insomnia, I got in a relationship during which I was abusive and controlling which eventually led to my arrest after assaulting her and throwing a student through a window. I forgot the next few days but I woke up on a mattress in a part of the city I didn't recognise with all my posessions gone. Needless to say, I didn't attend my exams and failed my course. Now, I'm unemployed living with my alcoholic abusive dad who brings home a replacement mother every week - he's currently seeing his ex-wife with which he has 2 older children, older more mature and with jobs which makes me think he will soon disown me, as he has done in the past. He has kicked me out of the house several times for no reason. I have an unhealthy fascination with guns and spend most of my time shooting birds and chatting on the computer. I have an addiction to painkillers, I usually take about 5-6g of codeine/tylenol/hydrocodone/vicadin mixtures each night. I overdosed a few times, my worst being on 13g of tylenol at which point I started urinating blackness. I don't go out or do anything productive, I spend all my money (including money I don't have) on the drug combinations that I take to remain calm...blabla you know the rest. QUESTIONS: 1) is my bpd resurfacing 2) wat do 3) tell me about your problems |
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Unanswered Thread: paranoid hypochondriac posted by cncathy 6 minutes ago |
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Delirius
Joined: Nov 3, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-09 14:26:07 |
| All I have to say is that sucks and I'm sorry | |
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unblissful
Joined: Nov 5, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-09 15:58:50 |
| how is it u can open up in one thread and insult people in another? just like u have the right to voice ur thoughts without being called a 'faggot' so do others. you wouldnt like it (perhaps youd say that you dont care, but nobody likes to cop sh--)... were all on here because we have 'issues' so use your heart and stop kicking people while their down. none of us want to be judged or insulted so keep your evil words to yourself synapse! | |
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K8bpd
Joined: Oct 25, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-09 16:30:58 |
| Wow there's a lot of tension here...im just chillen though mindin my own business...Do be careful with those guns synapse! | |
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Fatality
Joined: Jul 14, '09
Status: Senior User |
2009-11-09 16:43:33 |
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Unblissful, as much as i don't like him, i still believe we should help him the best we can, hopefully he'll soon return that :s Anyway: 1) At a glance, yes it appears so. But i know very little on BPD rly, seek a professional, or whoever diagnosed you before is what i advise. 2) Try to kick the drug habit, whatever means you have to. Its just gonna burn your money, and not solve any problems. Perhaps look for a job, that'll get you away from your father, and get you doing something productive. 3) If rly interested theres stuff i put in the other threads about myself o.0 |
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unblissful
Joined: Nov 5, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-09 16:51:26 |
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sorry i wasnt saying he didnt deserve help, of course he does, but i was pretty offended! its not easy opening up-for anyone and the whole thing about this forum is its meant to be non judgemental and to have him call me a faggot... i didnt think it was necessary. im not particularlt good at expressing myself, not to mention untrusting and ive never shared my 'words' with anyone before and it was abit of a slap in the face to get that thrown at me :( anyway two wrongs dont make a right and i definetly didnt mean to be hurtful towards synapse at all. was just reacting on impulse. sorry.. |
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Synapse
Joined: Oct 24, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-09 16:51:30 |
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how is it u can open up in one thread and insult people in another? just like u have the right to voice ur thoughts without being called a 'faggot' so do others. Call me a faggot, I don't care, faggot. |
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Delirius
Joined: Nov 3, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-09 16:52:34 |
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If you really want me to ill repost mine. And synapse don't be childish |
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Synapse
Joined: Oct 24, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-09 16:55:42 |
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Meh, if she was confident she'd stand up to me and her stupid boyfriend/father instead of writing godawful poetry. But no, she's just clinging to some self worth that doesnt exist. And then challenges me? I have the right to call you a faggot. Anyway yeah repost your stories guys I'm in the mood for it for some reason. Unblissful please don't respond it's irritating |
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Delirius
Joined: Nov 3, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-09 16:58:13 |
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She did stand up to you. But anyways I will when I get to starbucks, I'm walking there rightnow |
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Delirius
Joined: Nov 3, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-09 17:27:33 |
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Ok so since i was born ive never met my dad, my mom had me and he was around and talked to my mom but never came to see me, my mom moved to texas for 2 years and i never saw him, i cried at night for a long time between the ages of 7-15 and now i dont cry but sometimes lay up all night thinking about it. My grandpa is a twisted guy, he molested my aunt and is very manipulative and has done many other things that make him a sick f---. The problem is i see myself moving in the say direction he did. I dont know if it is just genes that i got from him or what but i have traits that are just like him that i worry that ill be like him. What worries me most is that i dont have a relationship with him yet im still like him so if i have a child will it carry on the sociopath? Another thing is that ive had incest with my cousin. It happened a few years ago and i regret it everyday of my life. It didnt just one day happen though, ive had another cousin 5 years old than me "teach" me what sex was when i was 6. And when i was 5-8 random sexual things happened to me that i dont feel comfortable talking about. These arent as big but they still affect me a lot, i have a stepdad that has been around since i was 2 and he pretty much is my dad but the thing is we have never had a relationship and he has always just mentally tore me down, his favorite name for me has always been retard even when we arent at home. The worst thing i can remember him doing is picking me up by my throat and holding me against my bunkbed. My mom is really smart but because of her dad and mom she really isnt available for me to tell anything because any time i start to tell her about my problems she just tells me i have nothing to worry about compared to her childhood and how petty my problems are, she always betrays my trusts by telling everyone what i tell her but i cant keep from doing it. Ive spent most of my Junior high and high school in my room because of the fact that ive been grounded for a various number of reason, most of the time it was grades. My senior year i broke out and did whatever the f--- i want and thats when i got heavily into drugs and alcohol. Thats it |
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Delirius
Joined: Nov 3, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-09 18:00:25 |
| Your writing was pretty good ill admit but it wasnt any better than hers | |
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hopscotch
Joined: Sep 8, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-09 20:24:17 |
| what do you mean by 'real problems'? every problem is real and every problem deserves help. | |
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nicotine_fiend
Joined: Oct 2, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-09 20:50:05 |
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ok, well my childhood is not traumatic, terribly bad except for excessive (and i mean EXCESSIVE) name calling and teasing. at my school (i went to a very preppy, very snobby private school) i was the "fat girl" and everyone decided that i would be the joke of the school. at 165 i would have hardly called myself fat, maybe more curvy but whatever i'm over it now. anywho, all the boys would invite me to dance at dances as a joke and me being the naieve person that i was, i went along with it. untillll the next day of school and it was all people could talk about. i didn't have any friends and i hung out by myself for the most part, living a fantasy life where i hung out with all the popular people and i was normal like them. when i graduated from highschool i was bound and determined to not be invisible anymore. i took up drinking heavily (because i wasn't comfortable in my own skin otherwise) and hung out with all the gay kids at the university. THEN, i went to my first rave in my first semester of freshman year where i tried ecstasy for the first time. i was hooked. it was the best feeling you could imagine and i just felt so much better and worth so much more when i was on it. so, fast forward 3 months later after christmas break was over, i started hanging out with my college friends again and we started going up to toronto on a weekly basis and thats when i started going on 3, 4, and 5 day binges. my friends were friends with the local club dealer and everything was opened up for me. i had ecstasy, k, crystal and coke at wholesale prices and over a period of 7 months i stole all my college tuition out of my father's and my joint bank account. after the first year of college, i failed out considering i was on drugs pretty much 24/7 by this time and i met a friend locally who was big into drugs too. my parents just let me take their car for days on end and i was wasting away. i f---ed up my education, and practically bankrupted my parents. i was (knowingly) cashing checks when i didn't have money in my account and luckily for me my father is in with the bank people at the bank and i didn't end up getting arrested for it. but i could have faced jail time for the amounts i was taking out. now, just for the record, its no small feat to bankrupt my father as he is a very successful business man and is rather well off but i managed to do it. i have been hospitalized for my drug overdoses, the first time was when i had a pill eating contest with a friend of mine and got way dehydrated by the fifth day of the binge, and then the second time was when i was tilted over my friends bed and had a vial of k poured down each nostril. yes, we won't even go there, that was the worst idea i could have ever thought of and i regret it to this day because it f---s with my head hardcore. this is about 3 years ago that the drug use stopped (well, i still smoke pot and drink wine and gin.. but i'm talking hard drugs). i stopped because my father was going to disown me and throw me on the streets and i could not bear for that to happen, so i cleaned myself up. i have since gone back to school and was doing pretty well until my last semester. i am in my final semester and my parents have been so proud of me but i have gone and f---ed it all up and just stopped going to my internship for the past month, have stopped going to classes and it is going to devistate my parents. i always disappoint them, considering the high hopes they have always had for me since i was just a young kid. but its like, i was really starting to make them proud and now i'm not going to graduate and i don't know if i can even make it through the semester. i am a compulsive shopper and i am still spending sooo much money that i don't have and i have started to cut myself again real bad, as well as pick my skin and burn myself. i am not diagnosed bpd professionally, since i don't want to have to admit to my parents especially that i have a problem. and i'm not one to self diagnose, especially from something so broad as wikipedia... but i have done a lot of research on the topic and have read books about bpd and it seems to describe me to a tee. i am not a young, angsty teenager ( i am 25, practically 26) and its like, now that i have stopped doing hard drugs i can not even be a socialable person with anyone. i hibernate in my room and barely have any relationships with anyone in my house. although thats how its always been since i was little. i do have conversations with myself so i am not completely alone, but i am very lonely. i am adopted, and i have no clue as to what my genes are like, and therefore what i am predisposed to. i am not an attention seeker AT ALL and really this forum is the only place where i voice my true opinion. if you wish to give me an honest opinion i will gladly take it but i will not take mockery or criticism that i don't have real problems of my own. because problems are relative, and who is anyone to devalue anyones pain, no matter how large or small it seems? |
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Delirius
Joined: Nov 3, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-11-09 20:59:31 |
| I think that last part was aimed at you synapse... Lol | |
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Unanswered Thread: No Subject posted by alwaysknew 1 day ago |
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