Thread Topic: I Believe I am Borderline and Narcisstic
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SmilingPrincess
Joined: Aug 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-19 10:18:34 |
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I read that most people who suffer from narcisstic personality disorder are men but I have to say I am a woman who has this disorder. I finally discussed my issues with a psychiatrist and sure enough I was found to be Borderline-Narcissistic. I am discouraged because I've been on just about any medication in the book and either I have adverse reactions, it doesn't work, or it does work and I feel like I'm living in a bubble. I just don't want to feel medicated all day every day. Then many times my narcissism kicks in and my attitude becomes indifferent to medicine and therapy because I'm too good for it and I'm not crazy like other people and I can manage myself. What made me come to therapy was my feelings like I was an evil person. There were many times when I just had no empathy for someone or if I did show remorse, it was a false response just so I can be admired for being such a sweet sensitive person. If I hurt certain people I just didn't care as long as I got what I want, typically men I dated in the past or men who were hoping for something more than friendship. I have a tendency to be rude and demeaning to people I feel are not good enough to be around me in a subtle way. I'm not aggressive. I'm more sarcastic or I use obvious body language to make people feel uncomfortable and less than me. I have no patience for people I see as weak minded and cry a lot and I often express disgust over people I find who aren't that attractive. Can you see why I feel so evil? In my moments of clarity I would say to myself "Why are you being so mean? Why are you acting this way?" Its like I know what i'm doing when I'm doing it but I just don't care. I also feel like my thought processes and who I am in my soul are two different people. I know the real me is a sweet person who wants to change, but then that disorder part of me is just flat out miserable and cold. I hate it. |
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Unanswered Thread: paranoid hypochondriac posted by cncathy 4 hours ago |
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Hip
Joined: Aug 10, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-08-19 13:49:39 |
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Dont be surprised that medication doesnt work. If were truly living in a potion fantasy where medication can somehow change your personality, then there must be one that will make me think my name is not Hip. In other words, unless you dont mind gettin fat or potentially aquiring another mental problem, do not take medicine for a personality disorder. It cant and wont help you, just ask your psychiatrist for any evidence that the medication works. He wont have an answer. Take it from me: you're fine. Just try to open up and act nice to everybody and see what will happen. You will be taken advantage of the MINUTE you do that. As long as you have any admirable qualities that warrant you to be narcissistic, youre fine. But if you're an ugly whore like my mother who is dumb as s--- and has practically has NOTHING admirable about her whatsoever (she was a heavy borderline-narcissist) then by all means continue cutting yourself. |
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SmilingPrincess
Joined: Aug 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-20 06:21:08 |
| Although I do have qualities that give me leverage to be narcissistic, I don't want to live my life being a narcissist. I do want to change, but I get discouraged because I feel like this disorder is my comfort zone as dysfunctional as it is. I'm afraid to be vunerable. It's easier to put on a superior mask than to let my insecurities show and deal with them. I get a lot of anxiety when anyone knows I'm insecure about something. I feel naked and out of sorts. I am desperate also for change because right now I'm pursuing a career as a personal trainer and I have to work and relate to different people. I don't want to get frustrated if my expectations aren't being met or I feel someone is too weak for me to waste my time on. Does anyone know if cognitive behavioral therapy works? | |
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Hip
Joined: Aug 10, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-08-20 13:59:16 |
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We share many traits it seems. If youre gonna be a personal trainer, just keep it professional, it doesnt mean you will have to completely identify with your client and reveal the "vulnerable" side of yourself. I've known that work and personal life are two different worlds, and despite being a schizoid-narcissist I've held a temporary job once that involved working with people, and yes, even dealing with complete dips---s that had no idea why they were coming in the first place. So I guess you should try and exercise some willpower and try resisting the urge to get impulsive if things aint going your way. Your work salary should be motivational enough to keep you acting professional, I know mine was. About cognitive behavioral therapy, for some people it works for some people it doesnt. Give it a go if you think its worth it. |
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dgomez67
Joined: Oct 5, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-05 10:23:57 |
| Its just a part of life.. Deal with what it gives you.. Why should you feel guilty for how you are? Or try and hide it? I've done that, and there's no point in just hiding who/what you're about... | |
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fantasy
Joined: Jul 28, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-05 13:12:59 |
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dgomez: "It's a part of life, just deal with it"? I know you probably meant well but that just pisses me off so much. You see and hear things that aren't there. Well it's a part of life just deal with it. You feel depressed and suicidal. Well thats part of life you just gotta deal with it. You just got raped by your daddy. Well that happens every day its a part of life whydon't you just DEAL WITH IT? huh?? don't feel guilty and ashamed of having psycho thoughts. Be who you are there's no point in "hiding" who you really are - a psychotic stupid borderline narcissistic who always hurts herself and others. Yes, stay that way, don't even try to get help or change for the better, because there's no point, it's a part of life, you just gotta "deal with it". To thread starter: I was being sarcastic, don't misunderstand me. |
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Hip
Joined: Aug 10, '09
Status: Senior User |
2009-10-05 13:33:09 |
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To be fair, he said to deal with what you are, not what happens to you. Being raped by daddy is a different issue. To blame the victim by asserting they should get over their trauma is f---ing low. As for hearing voices, theres something called a will. There were certified schizophrenics and psychotics who successfully healed themselves by recognizing they are hearing and seeing s--- nobody else sees, so they went on with their lives and ignored their hallucinations from then on. So yeah, you think you got issues? Everybody does pal, DEAL WITH IT. |
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Synapse
Joined: Oct 24, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-26 04:19:03 |
| Ignore hip, medication exists for a reason. And yes, you can 'change' your personality, quite easily through training and experience. | |
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Hip
Joined: Aug 10, '09
Status: Senior User |
2009-10-26 06:19:56 |
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Exists for a reason? You bet your ass. A 69 billion dollar industry is a pretty f---ing talkative figure. But it starts to lose its merit when you think back to the day you got your shot for syphillis or a vaccine for the Swine flu, and how well-invested that was to your health. Then you realize what you took for your narcissism merely sedated you, and you thought you felt better but it was really just the placebo effect of not being able to get your head straight enough to be narcissistic or display a trait of having ANY humanly personality. And that's where the fun really begins. You sir a f---ing idiot. |
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Synapse
Joined: Oct 24, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-26 06:21:11 |
| Lol enjoy your paranoia | |
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Synapse
Joined: Oct 24, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-26 06:25:31 |
| If you think medication exists for profit, and not as an aim to create a better functioning society then you are truly spiralling down the road of negativity. I recommend that you get off the internet, where people will not only listen to your bulls--- but feed it and let you keep deluding yourself, and seek help in the real world. Maybe you need some medication. | |
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Hip
Joined: Aug 10, '09
Status: Senior User |
2009-10-26 06:54:49 |
| So prove me wrong mother f---er. Show me one instance where medication has ever cured a personality disorder. If you actually believe this is possible, you'll believe anything, akin to flaming retards a century ago who would visit witch doctors expecting results. | |
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dgomez67
Joined: Oct 5, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-12 20:14:34 |
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to "fantasy" I'm not sure if that whole paragraph was me, probably. And yes just deal with it. And it pisses you off, deal with it. You responded to my paragraph negatively, I'M DEALING WITH IT. I was depressed, I f---ing dealt with it. I'm not b----ing over it, I had enough will power and got the f--- over it. So don't try to make it sound like I don't know what I'm saying when I say "just deal with it". I'm saying a whooole lot more than that. btw I'm a girl lol |
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dgomez67
Joined: Oct 5, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-12 20:21:01 |
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oh yeah and these "personality test" theyre a little fun, but I don't think they should be taking personally.. |
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psychohealthy
Joined: Nov 8, '09
Status: New User |
2009-11-13 15:39:00 |
| smiling princess, you REALLY shed light on this problem. It helps me when you describe what it's like to be a victim of a narcissistic attitude. (helps me to understand my husband) Has it ever occured to you that just as you may use narcissism to affect people around you -- the narcissism itself has its hands around YOUR throat. My DH couldn't care less either because the stress is just too great and he needs to lash out to sort of relieve himself. You stated there's a man who you think could be "the ONE" for you. If he is not quite stoic AND very understanding you may just lose. I do not want to say it will be your fault except that you ALLOW narcissism to call the shots...that is weak...YOU need to be strong and call the shots from your HEART! I do not think I'm "better" than a drunk bum in the alley (in God's eyes) - I'm just coping better than he is. I NEVER cry in public and rarely at home. That does not mean I do not feel pain. I just see that reaction as counter productive to solving problems. | |
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Unanswered Thread: No Subject posted by alwaysknew 1 day ago |
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