Thread Topic: Is this normal
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InMyRoom
Joined: Jul 5, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-08 20:41:00 |
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okay, this is a really really extremely sensitive topic for me, i never bring this up to anybody, and in side me i am fight the urge stop typing but i need to know. Oooo...ok. DON'T LAUGH PLEASE, I am in love with a non existent person. He was real, i met him once at a party, he thought i was pretty. but that was nearly a year ago and i will doubt i will ever see him again. I have give or take and 'imaginary friend' who is him, the only thing different is that he is perfect for me. He understands me unlike anyone else in this stupid world, He loves me for me, cause i guess i am unloveable in this world. I see him everywhere, If any guy has a trait like him, i like him cause he reminds me of him, and then i want to be with him. He is the most nicest person i have ever met. :D So what else is wrong? I can't stop thinking about him, i can't stop writing about him, if i printed out all the pages of stories i wrote about us, it could be a normal sized book. I write on walls about my every thought and feelings, i can't stop. i can't sleep without writing about him. I write as if he was real, and i hate saying that, he is real to me. :) it makes me happy to know someone cares about me like him. Problem #2 besides these, lets call them "happy thoughts", i am really obsessed with death, i know it. I have written many songs about death, i think they are pretty good actually. i have tried to kill myself, every person who i really talked to knows that i want to die, and they don't understand! how could they not understand? this world sucks, and i always seem to fight with myself about what i am feeling, if i am happy or sad, i get mad at me so easily and i turn into a hurricane and destroy everything in my path. I am soooo mad because i can't believe i am telling you this, i mean what are you going to think of me? :( no mean stuff, i am sensitive...sorry.... :( i know i'll be paying for this later. do you care to explain whats going on cause i am afraid to see some one, they might think, i don't know, something bad, and then they might tell my parents, what will they really think???? i have tons of other issues but these are bothering me at the moment especially the first one, here are my scores, Paranoid: Very High Schizoid: Moderate Schizotypal: Very High Antisocial: High Borderline: Very High Histrionic: High Narcissistic: High Avoidant: Very High Dependent: High Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate thanks, sorry for it being so long. :) |
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Unanswered Thread: paranoid hypochondriac posted by cncathy 4 hours ago |
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Moey
Joined: Aug 8, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-08 21:18:07 |
| Remember the scores are just generalized they may not be accurate at all ! See your Dr and get a referral for a specialist. Good luck | |
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hopscotch
Joined: Sep 8, '09
Status: New User |
2009-09-14 17:12:13 |
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dont worry, every1 has thier dream man.. maybe you could try to findsomeone who is like him, or at least in some ways. you cant expect people to be perfect, everyone has flaws. about the daeth obsession, im not sure what to do.. i am like you in that way.. my results are paranoid: very hi schizoid: moderate schizotypal: very hi antisocial:hi borderline: very hi histronic: hi narcissistic: hi avoidant: very hi dependant: very hi OC: hi :) good luck |
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kellij
Joined: Oct 1, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-01 08:27:53 |
| Remember that the man you see all the time is just someone you made up...he doesnt exist right now, not meaning that he will never exist, you just havent found him yet...remember that you are a wonderful person, because you are. Fight those horrible feelings that you are not worth it. You are worth it, and that is why you are here today. You are beautiful, yes YOU are beautiful and always tell yourself that because it is true. Remember, you are here for a reason, and worth it. You are very loved. | |
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fantasy
Joined: Jul 28, '09
Status: Junior User |
2009-10-01 13:12:35 |
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Well I have a lot of imaginary perfect guys, they are perfect for me because they understand me and yet they have problems and flaws as well. They are very comforting at times but I'd advise you to be careful, because in the real world, no one is perfect like that, and expecting perfection may lead to some heartbreaks like what happened to me. About how no one understands .. I mainly think that no one who has not gone through what we go through can understand. At all. It frustrates me that most of the world around us is so shallow and mean and non-understanding, but at least I've found a pool of people here like me. Well anyway that's my advice .. I tried not to say hurtful things, because I hate it when people say something insensitive and they hurt me and shatter a lot of my dreams and hopes and stuff that's holding me up through the day. But if something I said did hurt, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to. |
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handfulandahalf
Joined: Oct 8, '09
Status: New User |
2009-10-08 12:06:43 |
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your post made me cry because I can so relate to both. I have a man like that too. I get so wrapped up thinking about him that I mentally "leave this world". My problem is that as soon I start to feel accepted and unconditionally loved, i pop the fckn bubble ! After all its just not possible,. . . to have that kind of love. I gave up writing because I fear that someone will read it and have me committed. When I am thinking of him, its like I see him and he holds me making me feel safe/protected. I wish I could allow myself to hang with it, but I fear that if I do, I will not come back to reality. 90% of the time I do not want to be here yet I do not have the "balls" to follow through with killing myself. I think of my son and what he will think of me, that he will think I am weak or that I left him (which would be true, really). I fantasize of the numerous ways to "accidentally" die. I am always fighting with myself, why cant I feel like normal people, I cannot rely on the validity of my thinking, and feel so out of control emotionally/mentally. At work I have a nikname "Taz" I am such a whirlwind of emotion that are so extreme I sometimes believe I am losing my mind. Unless the people you talk to are going through the same kind of suffering, they just dont get it - most of em cant, its not that they dont want to (well in most cases, i think), they dont know how. Its almost like we are contagious or something. Oh no ! our psychoticness might rub - lookout :P Another favorite is htat we are special - bite my ass. I certainly dont feel special, I feel like a freak. Paranoid: Moderate Schizoid: Low Schizotypal: High Antisocial: Low Borderline: Very High Histrionic: Low Narcissistic: Low Avoidant: Moderate Dependent: Low Obsessive-Compulsive: High |
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Hip
Joined: Aug 10, '09
Status: Senior User |
2009-10-08 12:11:28 |
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"bite my ass" phone number please |
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Unanswered Thread: No Subject posted by alwaysknew 1 day ago |
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