Thread Topic: Its Taken Over
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FatFat
Joined: Aug 27, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-27 17:23:38 |
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***SORRY IF YOU FIND IT HARD TO UNDERSTAND THE WAY THAT I TALK, I DONT MEAN FOR IT TO BE THAT WAY...BUT IT IS*** Paranoid: Very High Schizoid: High Schizotypal: Very High Antisocial: High Borderline: Very High Histrionic: High Narcissistic: High Avoidant: Very High Dependent: Very High Obessive-Compulsive: High Im a 17 year old senior, but last year i dropped out of regular highschool to go on I.S.Im currently still on it and i absolutely love it. The reason for me dropping out was because i started to become afraid of what people thought of me, i always feel that no matter who it was or what they are actually talking about, is about me. Whenever someone histarically laughs or giggles, for some reason i just know that it had to be done towards me, even if someone smiles at me in a weird way, i feel that they are hiding something. (kinda like a fake smile that people do when they're talking s--- in their head) I've always been shy around those i didnt know and more loud and outgoing around those that i did, but now that im on I.S, i dont even want to see those people that i once was okay around... it makes me nervous because i feel that they're judging me. I never did like talking to or infront of people in general, but i would talk to my friends and now i dont want too. If i were to go to mcdonalds, ill have someone else order my food for me because im not comfortable with speaking to another person....i wont even go into a gas station to get a soda real quick because standing at the counter by myself makes me nervous. At times when things like that do happen, i find myself short of breath and feeling dizzy...sometimes it results in a panic attack. (Because of this, im afraid to get a job..i dont want the interation with other people) I cant go anywhere alone...The only person that im comfortable around is my boyfriend and if he isnt able to be with me when i go places, i panic and just wont go. I've always had negative thoughts, but at times when he's at work or school and i just cant be next to him, everything bad comes to mind. Im afraid that he'll get into somekind of accident if im not with him, i know its weird and there's nothing i can do about it even if i was or wasnt with him, but for some reason i feel like i could stop it from happening...(sorry, its hard to explain) I was seeing a psycologist to hopefully help me, but i stopped going because of what i just mentioned. I know its a stupid thing to do, but i couldnt handle it. It seems like no matter what, i just have constant thoughts about this and that and even the smallest things...it drives me crazy. I'll even cry at times, because i want to stop thinking soo bad. Everything i do has to right on point. My school work has to be completey filled out with no extra spaces that might look as if i only did a little bit, anything i clean has to be spotless, my clothes have to organized by type and color coded, and pictures, pillows, chairs, anything of that sort have to be straight or at whatever angle another one might be at..no inbetweens. Im easily irritated and when it comes to that point, i just dont care about other people's feelings. I could tell them just about anything that might hurt their feelings and it wouldnt affect me once so ever. Im easily affended by stupid things people might say and it doesnt have to even be towards me, but itll make me think about it over and over and eventually piss me off that im even thinking about it in the first place. When im mad, my first response is to hurt either myself or someone else. I know its wrong but if the person has pissed me off enough i began to think and wish that horrible things would happen to them...just cant help it.. Im to the point in my life where i just hate alot of things, and whts sad is that im still young.....well i could list a million more things but this is long enough. |
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TimArends
Joined: Aug 19, '09
Status: New User |
2009-08-28 10:47:28 |
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Hello, you didn't ask a specific question in this post, but I'm guessing you're wondering if you should seek counseling, and the answer is yes. I personally like behavioral or cognitive therapy and rational emotive therapy (especially the latter). You can find information about this at [no urls] By the way, your writing was fine, but if you want to post to the forums regularly, it is easier if you stick to one issue per post. It is easier to address that way. ________________ Tim Arends is the maintainer of the Internet Shyness FAQ, online for over 10 years: [no urls] |
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