The Clock

A Democratic strategist assumes room temperature and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. The strategist is taken inside Heaven by St. Peter and given a guided tour. He's led into one huge room that is full of millions of clocks, and he notices a clock with his name on it that has stopped. St. Peter explains that everyone has a clock that counts down the seconds of their life, and when someone dies, their clock stops.
The strategist is fascinated by all this but when he examines all of the other clocks, he notices that some of the clocks' second hands are moving faster than others. St. Peter explains that every time someone tells a lie, which is a sin, they lose part of their life, so their clock's second hand ends up moving faster.

The Democratic strategist looks around but doesn't see Bill Clinton's clock, so he asks St. Peter where it is. "Oh," answers St. Peter, "that's being used as a ceiling fan."