Need a New Lawyer?

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> > > You May Need A New Lawyer When...
> > > >
> > > > 1. During your initial consultation he tries to
> > > > sell you Amway.
> > > >
> > > > 2. He tells you that his last good case was a
> > > > "Budweiser."
> > > >
> > > > 3. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is,
> > > > they high-five each other.
> > > >
> > > > 4. He picks the jury by playing
> > > > "duck-duck-goose."
> > > >
> > > > 5. During the trial you catch him playing his
> > > > Gameboy.
> > > >
> > > > 6. He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
> > > >
> > > > 7. A prison guard is shaving your head.
> > > >
> > > > 8. Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack
> > > > Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.
> > > >
> > > > 9. He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
> > > >
> > > > 10. He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the
> > > > defense table.
> > > >
> > > > 11. He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally
> > > > McBeal once said ..."
> > > >
> > > > 12. He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v.
> > > > Mothra.
> > > >
> > > > 13. Just before trial starts he whispers, "The
> > > > judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"
> > > >
> > > > 14. Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes
> > > > those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
> > > >
> > > > 15. The sign in front of his law office reads
> > > > "Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM."
> > > >
> > > > 16. Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells
> > > > the judge, "Whatever."
> > > >
> > > > 17. He giggles every time he hears the word
> > > > "briefs