Hurt : The Downward Spiral
The lyrics:
I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of shit
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stain of time
the feeling disappears
you are someone else
I am still right here
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
"Well, at the end of this record, there's one last song that'd been kinda floatin' around that I ended up recording, kinda not knowing if it was too naked to go on that record. It's the last song, this sounds totally cheesy, but it was so fucking heavy when we were in the studio doing it that, it was intense. [tough-guy voice] I'm not gonna say I was crying, but it was, I was there. I knew it meant a lot to me to write that 'cause I was sorta excited and I had goose bumps. So I just put it on the record and I thought it made a nice ending to a gloomy little song before I kill myself, so I figured, "Well, this'll be my kind of regret song." When it got done, I really was proud of it - it's probably one that I'm most proud of on that record."
-Trent Reznor (from an interview in Raygun Magazine [5/94])
(Pre 5-12-98)
"i hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
i focus on the pain
the only thing that's real"
Sometimes the pain in life can be so much that it overloads the system. If the body can't handle the pain, in this case, emotional, it will cease to feel all emotions. This creates a need to feel something, even if it's negative. For this reason, physical pain is inflicted -- and in this situation, the pain is the only thing that exists, because all other feelings have become desensitized.
"the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but i remember everything"
The familiar sting is a sense of relief. One wonders if one can ever feel again. One has been in this situation before, and has always come out of it, but there is still a sense that one might not be able to come out of it "this time." The physical pain eventually brings back the thoughts that killed away the emotions in the first place, and now no matter how much one tries to focus on the pain, it does not erase the memories of what has happened. This may seem confusing and contradictory, but I view it more as ambivalence, and ambivalence is very predominant when one is in a depressed state of mind.
"what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end"
There are two people that "I" talk to. Sometimes there is an actual, physical person who is very near and dear to me, and who understands what I'm going through. Other times, it is me talking to myself -- to the part of me that I have turned my back on, the same part that I wish I had the courage to be. The last two lines affect me a lot simply because I don't have a lot of friends. I am friendly to most, but I have a hard time making friends because I want a close-knit friendship. At college, my friends are graduating and getting apartments. At home, they're all at out-of-state summer schools while I'm working. Beyond this, there is also a feeling of separation, because my friends and I are growing/maturing in different directions, and there are fewer aspects of my life and my thoughts that I'll trust them with. And there is a fear of losing my friends due to the mental
and physical separations.
"you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt"
This has to do mostly with accomplishments that are meaningless because they were done for the wrong reasons. This reminds me of successes that brought happiness to all but one person -- me. People are sometines jealous of me, but it doesn't make any sense because I know what I want, and I am not doing anything to accomplish that. Therefore, what I have is an "empire of dirt." If I admit this to anyone, it will disappoint/hurt them. I also think the last line has to do with the quote, "Love is giving someone the power to hurt you." It's entirely too true. When I think of the people to whom I have caused the most pain, they are also the people whom I love the most. This combines well with the "what have i become?" It's a question of "why have I done this when now all I'm going to do is cause everyone pain?"
"i wear my crown of shit
on my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
i cannot repair"
Here's another reference to worthless accomplishments and the fact that a lot of lying was done to protect others from getting hurt. This lying simply perpetuates the "empire of dirt." The broken thoughts are the actual hopes and dreams of the person that have been lost forever because that person was spending too much time trying to please others, and in the process ignoring him/herself. Too many opportunities have been missed.
"beneath the stain of time
the feeling disappears
you are someone else
i am still right here"
As the opportunities to "fix the thoughts" become less and less available, despair sets in. One gives up on fixing them, and allows time to wash away the pain. This is starting to circle back to the beginning of the song, where the feelings completely disappear and have to be artificially produced by physical means. The last two lines refer to the mental separation that occurs between the friends as they are thrown into two different environments and grow differently. It throws one into isolation.
"if i could start again
a million miles away
i would keep myself
i would find a way"
This is something of a warning. It's one person realizing that one would do things completely differently if one had the chance. Unfortunately, for that person the chance is lost. It's almost as if the narrator is saying, "if I could do this ... but I can't. You, however, may still have a chance. Think about what I've said." As it is, this person appears to be completely devoid of hope.
-Niktah Ambrosia
(Pre 5-12-98)
"i hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
i focus on the pain
the only thing that's real"
When we're emotionally distraught, the first thing we do is hide, shut down. He has to physically inflict pain as a substitute for emotion.
"the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but i remember everything"
Heroin. Only a junkie would get this on the first listen. See, a junkie only wants to dull life...to take the edge off everything...but dope makes you as sick as it does high. The works get dull, the veins are tough to pop...but it still seems desirable and romantic while you're strung out. Also, junkies remember a lot more than other drug addicts. Dope doesn't kill your memory, just your desire to live. Unfortunately, dope doesn't kill much, either. Like Ministry said..."a junkie never dies." (Unless you're Kurt.)
"what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end"
Two possibilities. First of all, I think the pain and/or the drugs are the sweetest friend. Notice in the lyric book it's a separate line after the question mark. That inplies to me a separate thought. The rest is obvious...depressed and/or strung out people drive everyone away eventually.
"you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt"
This to me implies Trent's romantic nature, even in a song like this. The "empire of dirt" is
obviously the bullshit we all consider important...and amidst the angst, depression, suicide, and drug impressions he leaves us with...he still offers it all to...whomever. But, being Trent, he self-deprecates and qualifies it with the "let down" and "hurt" part.
"i wear my crown of shit
on my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
i cannot repair"
This to me means the importance we place on ourselves, our jobs, our place in a relationship, in the world, etc. We sit day after day on "chairs" of importance...holding court...and it's all bullshit. Behind the mask of Joe Corporate lies a twisted pit of despair, ruin and pain. That's the "full of broken thoughts" line...we put on the mask, no matter how tortured our thoughts and souls are.
"beneath the stain of time
the feeling disappears
you are someone else
i am still right here"
Time heals all wounds. Time hides all wounds. If we hide from time, we don't have to face our wounds. If we don't have to face our wounds, we can say it's not our fault. I think Trent is writing about an inability to take responsibility for a failed ___ (pick one: life, career, relationship).
"if i could start again
a million miles away
i would keep myself
i would find a way...."
Hope. A dream of someday straightening out...maybe it's even a cry for help. I see this section as an affirmation, almost. It's the Trent version of "i think i can i think i can"...it's "i wish i could i wish i could."
-jim stark
(Pre 5-12-98)
You obviously have never done drugs because it's obvious this song is about drugs. You are close minded and Jim is right.
-Leah
The following response is from me-
I had originally said that I didn't agree with Jim's interpretation of the song. The reason that I don't think this song is about drugs is that a drug theme doesn't really fit in with the "storyline" at this point in the album. Even if you don't agree with the Downward Spiral interpretation at this site (and I don't completely agree with it), there is and underlying storyline of a person who's life is messed up and getting worse, until he eventually kills himself. Reznor himself has said that the album tells a sort of story of a man's "downward spiral". So the last song being about drugs, as Jim explicitly states in his interpretation, doesn't really fit as the end of the story. It doesn't make sense.
I also don't believe it is about drugs because of the intense emotion that Trent associates with the song. It seems that it is dealing with a more all-encompassing subject, that is, his whole miserable existance and all its respective parts. When he sings it live, it really sounds like the most honest and painful NIN song. I don't think a song about the horror of drug addiction, painful as I'm sure it is, would be the song that both wraps up The Downward Spiral, and carries some of the strongest emotions that we have seen from Mr. Reznor.
However, I do believe that people interpret songs in their own way, and that songs can mean different things to different people. I don't mean to sound close-minded when I said I didn't agree with Jim's interpretation. But Jim states rather matter-of-factly that the song is about drugs and that people who don't think so just missed the point of it. I don't believe that is the case. But to each, his own.
(Pre 5-12-98)
I think the interpretation of Hurt has to go on two different dimensions however you look at it. All the metaphor is taken from drug/junkie-jargon, yet the real meaning of the song seems to run even deeper.
I agree with lots of you about this being too "strong" a song for it to be "just" a song about drug addiction.
-Rahvin.
(Pre 5-12-98)
For a long time now I have read every article, book, etc. I could get my hands on about Trent Reznor and Nine Inch Nails. I truly, firmly believe that this song is NOT about drugs.
In a book I've read many times over, Trent did in fact say that HURT was the most intense song he did on the album. One thing he has repeated is that he does not like what fame has done to him. He's stated that he doesn't know himself, or what he believes in.
So I will actually try to use quotes from him to explain the song and my interpretation.
"I hurt myself today to see if I still feel"
This has a very deep meaning I think. When you lose all self respect, and can't figure out how to believe in anything including yourself, you can go numb. I think this means he's hurting himself to see if he's even still human. If in himself he still exsists.
"I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real"
On this, I really agree with Niktah. Like I said, people will often test themselves to see if they are still even there.
"The needle tears a hole. The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away, but I remember everything"
I think what he is trying to explain here is that he likes to feel human, but it does bring back memories of how he got to be where he is, and that's the painful part he doesn't want to remember.
"What have I become, my sweetest friend?"
"Everyone I know goes away in the end"
He saying, what has fame done to me? Where has this fame and fortune gotten him? What has it given to him? Nothing. And in return for being honest with himself and letting people see so much into him, all he's got is self-loathing.
Often when you're famous, you don't know who to trust. So I think that could be a part of the second phrase. Then again it could also mean that everyone he knows goes down their different paths, living life and enjoying it, and he can't. He's a really independent person who is so frustrated with himself and life he probably will never feel understood. And without understanding, a true friendship could never last anyway. I don't know. I think it's a very hard sentence to explain. There a lot of good interpretations I've heard about it.
A quote from him that might give you further insight is..."Never had much close friends or anything like that. Now I'm the president of the club. And they think they know me."
"And you can have it all, my empire of dirt
I will let you down, I will make you hurt"
Okay, the first sentence I can explain. The second is more of an opinion.
First sentence...he says..hey, do you see everything I have and own..all these material possessions? It's yours, you can have it, it means nothing to me. Fame and fortune are infact NOT what he was looking for when he entered this career field.
second sentence...I think he says not to lean on him, because he can't support anyone, not even himself. I think he's saying. I'm not what you think I am, so you're setting yourself up.
"I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liars chair
Full of broken thoughts
I can not repair"
I think he's saying he's the prince of absolutely nothing, and he's supposed to sit there and act happy and content about it. But he's not content with anything. He can't find what it takes to make him whole, in a sense.
"beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here."
I agree with Niktah a lot with this. Time can dull the hurt to almost nothing, but that doesn't mean it's not there. In a way it's still haunting him. He's still having the same problems, the same failures and can't satisfy himself emotionally, but everyone else is moving on. He's stuck, and he's watching everyone else live their lives.
"If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find away"
I think if anything proves my point about this song being about his failure to live a normal life because his fame has smothered all chances out, this would be it.
If he could go back, and make the decision all over again, he wouldn't be so free with expressing himself. He'd keep a part of him to himself.
I remember reading an article where Trent said the most powerful thing a singer/songwriter could ever say. It was something like this " People don't seem to understand, my days consists of going into a room by myself for hours at a time, scraping up every feeling left inside of me, slapping it on a piece of paper, and then giving it to the world to criticize. " Those were as close to his real words as I can remember. But doesn't that make you think. Doesn't it make more sense now? I can see where one could read into drugs in this piece, but it truly is not the case in this song. What you have is a man who feels hopeless and lost to something he can't figure out.
I respect everyone's opinion. I sometimes think song interpretations are hard. You have to see from the writers eyes, and try to separate from your own emotions to feel theirs. Too often people explain what they use the song to relate to, not what it's actually meant to say.
(Pre 5-12-98)
To me, this song reflects a broken relationship and the depression that follows.
First of all, there's self mutilation. When he was hurt, he tried to find
a place to lay the blame. If you're like me, you blame yourself, so would Trent.
He began to hate himself. He needed something to believe in, other than himself. He sought that through self-mutilation. I know the feeling of cutting myself; it's almost like a feeling of renewal, but you know deep down it's not the answer. So did he.
So he blames himself again: "What have I become?"
The refrain is Trent talking to the person whom he broke away from. Telling them
that they're better off because he's not good for them.
The second verse is Trent doubting himself further, looking at all he screwed
up. It seems very jumbled: "Full of Broken thoughts, I cannot repair." But then
he remembers how it started. How it all got screwed up. And then he sees
how nothing has really changed: "You are someone else, I am still right here."
Then there's the last part:"If icould start again." He just wants another chance.
-AngelSting
(Pre 5-12-98)
My way of seeing this might be totally wrong, but it's how i see this.
"I hurt myself today, to see if i still feel."
I feel he has been hurt by someone he really cares about and he isn't sure that he can ever 'feel' or 'love' again.
"The needle tears a hole, the old familliar sting."
He has been hurt so many times that he is getting use to the feeling.
"What have i become, my sweetest friends, everyone I know goes away in the end."
To me this shows that everyone he has loved has gone away and he left alone.
"I will let you down, I will make you hurt."
This shows that he isn't the greatest person in the world and that watch out, he might make you hurt. In gerneral, I think that this song is about what the title says.. being 'hurt'. By what, we don't know, but it hurts and he has to make sure he is ok.
-Dark_Fate
(Pre 5-12-98)
I think that the song means that he has been hurt by someone and he feels that he will never find anything better than what he had. Because of this he puts physical pain on himself (I've done it before nothing to take lightly). I think that this song means nothing more than this. He is just depressed of a loss he has suffered, and he needs to "Hurt" himself.
(Pre 5-12-98)
I feel that this song is, like most NIN songs, a love song.
At the beginning when he is talking about hurting himself, it is because he has felt all this pain and he feels that distracting himself will get his mind away, but it turns out that he actually now has the pain that he started with plus this new pain.
Then when he says "what have I become, my sweetest friend, everyone I know...ect." I think he is saying that he wants to stay the same but is being forced to change to keep up with everyone else that is changing including some of the people who are dear to him. They all seem to be leaving him to go on to different things, when he likes the way things are.
"you could have it all, my empire of dirt, I will let you down, I will make you hurt"
I think that this is the part where the love song strongly comes in...He is in love with someone whom he will do or give up anything for, but he feels that he doesn't have much to give them, but they can have what little he has, but he thinks that he eventually will only cause them pain.
"I wear this crown of shit upon my liar's chair, full of broken thoughts I cannot repair"
Here he feels that everyone has a place (chair) or level in society, and he feels that he was placed below the "elite" of today's society for having his own view which they call lies. They have "broken" his thoughts by disagreeing with everything that is important to him and he cannot repair the because his thoughts are not acceptable.
"beneath the stains of time, the feelings disappear, you are someone else, I am still right here"
Here he talks about how his feelings are going away because they have been ignored and now his love is leaving out of his life, but wants him to come and change to a new person, but he wants to stay the way he is and not change, but she is leaving him and changing her whole being.
Then he repeats "what have I become.." because he is feeling these things pulling on him and telling him to change and have already altered him slightly again.
"if I could start again, a million miles away, I would keep myself, I would find a way."
He is now talking about if he could go back and live his life again in anther place and times, he would be true to himself and not fall victim to socity's standards, and he would take what he had learned already and use it to help him.
(Pre 5-12-98)
I think that the whole song can be related to society in general. None of us or atleast very few of us live our lives as we see fit. We live our lives under the influence of a society which doesn't even know why they live their lives the way they do. We are all just playing our roles that we are given by society so none of it is actually real to our true selves. When Trent says "I focus on the pain, The only thing that's real" I interpret it as meaning that pain is the only emotion that isn't society.
(Pre 5-12-98)
I have to agree with Sharmagne.. It's not about drugs as the wannabe druggies would have us believe, Trent merely uses the symbolism of the needle, the junkie, to demonstrate the point...
It's about society, and breaking free of stereotypes... Refusing to become one of the mindless masses just to make ‘THEM' happy.
Here's my interpretation on hurt:
"I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything"
Going with the idea that the song is about society.. Think about it like this..
Breaking away from the dictates of society, refusing to conform, realizing suddenly that you are not one of the mindless masses, you are, after all, an individual. You have to break away, stop doing as you are told, merely because it is what you have been told to do. Question the orders and question the answers. "Hurt" yourself, TEAR away from society... Become your own person, not some sheep following trustingly to the slaughterhouse.
"what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end"
I don't know who I am anymore, I don't know what I've become. Doing as I am told, following the dreams that my parents had for me, what's the point? They may think they know what is best for me, but they don't.. They only know what would have been the best for themselves if they were me.. But they're not me.. Everything they have taught, everything they have said, it doens't matter.. Because that's not me.
"you could have it all
my empire of dirt"
This is not me, I don't want it.. You can have it. They're your dreams, you can have them back. You may think you have built up castles in the sky for me, but to me.. It is only a pile of dirt. Take it, it has nothing to do with me.
"I will let you down
I will make you hurt"
I can't do this anymore, I can't be what you want me to be, I have to be myself. It hurts you, yes, but you had to expect it. How could you expect me to be a carbon copy of yourself? Even though it hurts you, I can't do what you want me to do anymore.
"I wear this crown of shit
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair"
Again, you have set me up to be the king of your dreams.. But I don't want your crown.. I will no longer lie just to make you happy. I have to follow my own dreams, my own life... Until now I've tried to please you, to make you happy... But now it's my turn.. Now I have to see if I can repair my own shattered dreams.
"beneath the stain of time
the feeling disappears"
In time, you will learn to deal with this, you will realize that it had to happen. Time, as they say, heals all wounds.
"you are someone else
I am still right here"
I am the same person that I always was.. Now you simply know the true me, not the one you built me up to be.. I have not changed, it is only your perception of me which has been changed.
"what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end"
You look down on me now, for striking out on my own, from branching out from the ‘Normal' You called yourself my friend, but for this, you have dropped me.. Everything I once knew to be true is a lie, everyone I loved has abandoned me...
"You could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt"
If conforming to your ideals is what it takes to make me accepted, then I don't want to be a part of what you call society. If I have to give up my dreams and follow yours, I want no part of your life. I break out of the box that you have put me in, and if it hurts you.. Oh well... For once, I am doing something for myself.. Something to make me happy.
"if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way"
If I could begin again, another life, another time.. I would be myself from the beginning.. I would refuse, somehow, to become what you would mould me into...
If I have to go a million miles, if I have to run away.. I'll find some way to be myself... I will do whatever it takes to make my dreams come true...
With our without you.
(Pre 5-12-98)
The first few lines are self-explanatory. Any comment on the "needle tears a hole" would be redundant. But as for "What have I become..."- The writer's changed since things were thick between he and the person he is directing the writing toward. He's embarrassed himself in the eyes of the person he's addressing. They've gone too far together while things were going well, and then when things started to turn bad, both parties probably went too far in trying to save whatever relationship there was. Now, in the aftermath, the writer feels vulnerable and stupid in relation to the person he addresses, but has an intense inner feeling to speak to them anyway, to try to purge the feeling of the relationship and the failure of the relationship, but at the same time, contrastingly, wants to hold on to the memories of said relationship, because even the bad memories or the pain of reliving the good memories is better than no link at all to the person the writer's writing to. Since to actually speak to that person would be taboo the writer writes the song.
"I wear this crown of shit/upon my liars chair"... infers being crowned lord and master of all one surveys. The writer would be saying that although he has everything he could possible want and all the power he could want, he's still empty without the person addressed in the song. The statement would be private, (maybe some reference to something said between writer and muse) esoteric, and sarcastic, (maybe in regards to fame, the royalty reference). This also holds true with the line "You could have it all/ my empire of dirt". The "crown of shit" and "Liar" analogies would infer that that's what the writer says of himself in regards to the relationship. Maybe he was told, or simply felt like, he was full of shit or lying about something or someone. He is weak and unrespectable in the eyes of the addressed.
"Beneath the stains of time/ the feeling disappears/ you are someone else/ I am still right here"... The addressed is getting over the relationship and moving on, the writer is stuck in the pain of the unrequited love and the relationship ending prematurely. He cannot move on.
-Stimpy
(Pre 5-12-98)
This song can be taken very literally. You can take it as self mutilation which does help numb pain. (I know this from experience). But it can only do co much.
("Try to kill it all away but I remember everything"). He then reflects on what he has done to himself. ("What have I become....") and realizes that no one is ever really there for anyone else. Then he seems to realize that is he is unable to love himself he can't love- he can only hurt. Te second verse is Trent being really hard on himself. ("I wear this crown of shit...")
The last part ("If I could start again...") is him realizing that mutilating himself is not the answer.
-Ruiner_69
(Pre 5-12-98)
I have thought long and hard about the meaning to this song. Of course it is about problems, Trent's problems. What I think he means in the chorus when he says, "What have I become, my sweetest friend, everyone I knows goes away in the end," he means that his friends will always be there to help him get through his tough times or depression, etc., but soley it is him who has to make the decision to turn himself around or get help for himself. I am not implying that Trent has a problem with drugs or anything of that nature, but when Trent and the rest of us has a problem, it is our sole choice to turn ourselves around. I think that is what he means by the lyrics, "What have I become, my sweetest friend, everyone I knows goes away in the end." Thank you and God bless.
-LASTWISH
(Pre 5-12-98)
"I hurt myself today. to see if i still feel."
"i focus on the pain. the only thing that's real"
:I keep hurting myself, just to see if i can even still feel, but i only seem to focus on the pain because that's the only thing that is real. the pain i feel emotionally and physically is there, because that is all i ever feel anymore:
"The needle tears a hole. the old familiar sting."
"try to kill it all away, but i remember everything"
:The [drugs?] i take bring back that old familiar sting. thought it would take away all the pain, but i still remember everything. still feel everything.:
"what have i become? my sweetest friend."
"everyone i know, goes away in the end"
:I'm changing. i'm becoming my own best friend because everyone else i know has gone away. and now it is the end:
"You could have it all. my empire of dirt"
"I will let you down. I will make you hurt."
:I will give everything to you. the [things?] that I own, just so i can have someone. but i'll just end up letting you down. I'll end up hurting you, like I've done everyone else:
" i wear this crown of shit. apon my liars chair"
" full of broken thoughts. i cannot repair"
:I admit I am full of [shit?]. I am the king of lies, so I'll sit on my throne and wear my crown, that is all full of [shit?]. Full of so many broken thoughts, so many mistakes. So many hurt and heartbreaks that I just cannot redo. I cannot make up for that:
"Beneath the stain of time, the feeling disapears"
"You are someone else, I am still right here"
:Throughout time I just sit and wish that I could change. My feelings I have, changes. It all disapears. I don't think about it anymore. You leave and become a new you. You make me jealous, you make me realize that I am still right here and I cannot change:
"If i could start again, a million miles away"
"I would keep myself. i would find a way"
:If I could just go back and start all over again. If I could just be far, far away from here, then I would keep myself there with my new self. I would find some way. I would, but I won't. I don't deserve to live:
-Barbara
(Pre 5-12-98)
a human flesh and blood, with feelings and wants and needs is questioning his exitense. he has become numb to an extent. he wants to feel again, to live and to have friends and those that love him. he has hit an all time low point in his life...he is longing...and he is hurt.
(Pre 5-12-98)
I see this song as being about the person who killed themself in "The Downward Spiral" in the afterlife, looking back at their life and wondering, was it really worth it? Did my life have any real meaning, to me or to anyone? In the opening lines, he tells how he injured himself, and he lost touch with his feelings so much that the only way he could really "feel" them was to feel them physically, by injuring himself. In the chorus, he tells that throughout his life, he felt abandoned and alone, and became secluded; "What have I become? My sweetest friend.." - he is saying that he was really the only person who knew who he was; "Everyone I know goes away in the end" - he felt abandoned by everyone, and saw that in his life, in the big picture, everyone was so distant. "You could have it all, my empire of dirt" - he compares his life to a pile of dirt, saying "here, take it. It doesn't matter to me, and it never will, I don't need it." "I will let you down, I will make you hurt" - He felt that during his life, he only fucked things up for other people, got in the way. He felt like he was the cause of a lot of pain that he didn't want to cause. "I wear this crown of shit upon my liar's chair" - He is saying, look what I am, look where this miserable life has taken me. "Full of broken thoughts I cannot repair" - His life has poisoned his mind, weakened it, fucked it up. "Beneath the stains of time, the feelings disappear" - As time passes by, one becomes desensitized to what they see around them, it all becomes so dull and lifeless. "You are someone else, I am still right here" - Everything around him has changed, it wasn't what he knew before. This only furthers the separation between him and the rest of the world. "If I could start again, a million miles away, I would keep myself, I would find a way..." - he wishes to be reincarnated, to lead a new life. He wouldn't become the monster he became in his last life, he would never let that happen again; he'd want to really be himself, to try and lead a better one than before.
Go to Hurt Relations.
Return to Ninterpretations.
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of shit
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stain of time
the feeling disappears
you are someone else
I am still right here
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
"i hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
i focus on the pain
the only thing that's real"
Sometimes the pain in life can be so much that it overloads the system. If the body can't handle the pain, in this case, emotional, it will cease to feel all emotions. This creates a need to feel something, even if it's negative. For this reason, physical pain is inflicted -- and in this situation, the pain is the only thing that exists, because all other feelings have become desensitized.
"the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but i remember everything"
The familiar sting is a sense of relief. One wonders if one can ever feel again. One has been in this situation before, and has always come out of it, but there is still a sense that one might not be able to come out of it "this time." The physical pain eventually brings back the thoughts that killed away the emotions in the first place, and now no matter how much one tries to focus on the pain, it does not erase the memories of what has happened. This may seem confusing and contradictory, but I view it more as ambivalence, and ambivalence is very predominant when one is in a depressed state of mind.
"what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end"
There are two people that "I" talk to. Sometimes there is an actual, physical person who is very near and dear to me, and who understands what I'm going through. Other times, it is me talking to myself -- to the part of me that I have turned my back on, the same part that I wish I had the courage to be. The last two lines affect me a lot simply because I don't have a lot of friends. I am friendly to most, but I have a hard time making friends because I want a close-knit friendship. At college, my friends are graduating and getting apartments. At home, they're all at out-of-state summer schools while I'm working. Beyond this, there is also a feeling of separation, because my friends and I are growing/maturing in different directions, and there are fewer aspects of my life and my thoughts that I'll trust them with. And there is a fear of losing my friends due to the mental
and physical separations.
"you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt"
This has to do mostly with accomplishments that are meaningless because they were done for the wrong reasons. This reminds me of successes that brought happiness to all but one person -- me. People are sometines jealous of me, but it doesn't make any sense because I know what I want, and I am not doing anything to accomplish that. Therefore, what I have is an "empire of dirt." If I admit this to anyone, it will disappoint/hurt them. I also think the last line has to do with the quote, "Love is giving someone the power to hurt you." It's entirely too true. When I think of the people to whom I have caused the most pain, they are also the people whom I love the most. This combines well with the "what have i become?" It's a question of "why have I done this when now all I'm going to do is cause everyone pain?"
"i wear my crown of shit
on my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
i cannot repair"
Here's another reference to worthless accomplishments and the fact that a lot of lying was done to protect others from getting hurt. This lying simply perpetuates the "empire of dirt." The broken thoughts are the actual hopes and dreams of the person that have been lost forever because that person was spending too much time trying to please others, and in the process ignoring him/herself. Too many opportunities have been missed.
"beneath the stain of time
the feeling disappears
you are someone else
i am still right here"
As the opportunities to "fix the thoughts" become less and less available, despair sets in. One gives up on fixing them, and allows time to wash away the pain. This is starting to circle back to the beginning of the song, where the feelings completely disappear and have to be artificially produced by physical means. The last two lines refer to the mental separation that occurs between the friends as they are thrown into two different environments and grow differently. It throws one into isolation.
"if i could start again
a million miles away
i would keep myself
i would find a way"
This is something of a warning. It's one person realizing that one would do things completely differently if one had the chance. Unfortunately, for that person the chance is lost. It's almost as if the narrator is saying, "if I could do this ... but I can't. You, however, may still have a chance. Think about what I've said." As it is, this person appears to be completely devoid of hope.
"i hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
i focus on the pain
the only thing that's real"
When we're emotionally distraught, the first thing we do is hide, shut down. He has to physically inflict pain as a substitute for emotion.
"the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but i remember everything"
Heroin. Only a junkie would get this on the first listen. See, a junkie only wants to dull life...to take the edge off everything...but dope makes you as sick as it does high. The works get dull, the veins are tough to pop...but it still seems desirable and romantic while you're strung out. Also, junkies remember a lot more than other drug addicts. Dope doesn't kill your memory, just your desire to live. Unfortunately, dope doesn't kill much, either. Like Ministry said..."a junkie never dies." (Unless you're Kurt.)
"what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end"
Two possibilities. First of all, I think the pain and/or the drugs are the sweetest friend. Notice in the lyric book it's a separate line after the question mark. That inplies to me a separate thought. The rest is obvious...depressed and/or strung out people drive everyone away eventually.
"you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt"
This to me implies Trent's romantic nature, even in a song like this. The "empire of dirt" is
obviously the bullshit we all consider important...and amidst the angst, depression, suicide, and drug impressions he leaves us with...he still offers it all to...whomever. But, being Trent, he self-deprecates and qualifies it with the "let down" and "hurt" part.
"i wear my crown of shit
on my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
i cannot repair"
This to me means the importance we place on ourselves, our jobs, our place in a relationship, in the world, etc. We sit day after day on "chairs" of importance...holding court...and it's all bullshit. Behind the mask of Joe Corporate lies a twisted pit of despair, ruin and pain. That's the "full of broken thoughts" line...we put on the mask, no matter how tortured our thoughts and souls are.
"beneath the stain of time
the feeling disappears
you are someone else
i am still right here"
Time heals all wounds. Time hides all wounds. If we hide from time, we don't have to face our wounds. If we don't have to face our wounds, we can say it's not our fault. I think Trent is writing about an inability to take responsibility for a failed ___ (pick one: life, career, relationship).
"if i could start again
a million miles away
i would keep myself
i would find a way...."
Hope. A dream of someday straightening out...maybe it's even a cry for help. I see this section as an affirmation, almost. It's the Trent version of "i think i can i think i can"...it's "i wish i could i wish i could."
You obviously have never done drugs because it's obvious this song is about drugs. You are close minded and Jim is right.
I also don't believe it is about drugs because of the intense emotion that Trent associates with the song. It seems that it is dealing with a more all-encompassing subject, that is, his whole miserable existance and all its respective parts. When he sings it live, it really sounds like the most honest and painful NIN song. I don't think a song about the horror of drug addiction, painful as I'm sure it is, would be the song that both wraps up The Downward Spiral, and carries some of the strongest emotions that we have seen from Mr. Reznor.
However, I do believe that people interpret songs in their own way, and that songs can mean different things to different people. I don't mean to sound close-minded when I said I didn't agree with Jim's interpretation. But Jim states rather matter-of-factly that the song is about drugs and that people who don't think so just missed the point of it. I don't believe that is the case. But to each, his own.
I think the interpretation of Hurt has to go on two different dimensions however you look at it. All the metaphor is taken from drug/junkie-jargon, yet the real meaning of the song seems to run even deeper.
I agree with lots of you about this being too "strong" a song for it to be "just" a song about drug addiction.
For a long time now I have read every article, book, etc. I could get my hands on about Trent Reznor and Nine Inch Nails. I truly, firmly believe that this song is NOT about drugs.
In a book I've read many times over, Trent did in fact say that HURT was the most intense song he did on the album. One thing he has repeated is that he does not like what fame has done to him. He's stated that he doesn't know himself, or what he believes in.
So I will actually try to use quotes from him to explain the song and my interpretation.
"I hurt myself today to see if I still feel"
This has a very deep meaning I think. When you lose all self respect, and can't figure out how to believe in anything including yourself, you can go numb. I think this means he's hurting himself to see if he's even still human. If in himself he still exsists.
"I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real"
On this, I really agree with Niktah. Like I said, people will often test themselves to see if they are still even there.
"The needle tears a hole. The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away, but I remember everything"
I think what he is trying to explain here is that he likes to feel human, but it does bring back memories of how he got to be where he is, and that's the painful part he doesn't want to remember.
"What have I become, my sweetest friend?"
"Everyone I know goes away in the end"
He saying, what has fame done to me? Where has this fame and fortune gotten him? What has it given to him? Nothing. And in return for being honest with himself and letting people see so much into him, all he's got is self-loathing.
Often when you're famous, you don't know who to trust. So I think that could be a part of the second phrase. Then again it could also mean that everyone he knows goes down their different paths, living life and enjoying it, and he can't. He's a really independent person who is so frustrated with himself and life he probably will never feel understood. And without understanding, a true friendship could never last anyway. I don't know. I think it's a very hard sentence to explain. There a lot of good interpretations I've heard about it.
A quote from him that might give you further insight is..."Never had much close friends or anything like that. Now I'm the president of the club. And they think they know me."
"And you can have it all, my empire of dirt
I will let you down, I will make you hurt"
Okay, the first sentence I can explain. The second is more of an opinion.
First sentence...he says..hey, do you see everything I have and own..all these material possessions? It's yours, you can have it, it means nothing to me. Fame and fortune are infact NOT what he was looking for when he entered this career field.
second sentence...I think he says not to lean on him, because he can't support anyone, not even himself. I think he's saying. I'm not what you think I am, so you're setting yourself up.
"I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liars chair
Full of broken thoughts
I can not repair"
I think he's saying he's the prince of absolutely nothing, and he's supposed to sit there and act happy and content about it. But he's not content with anything. He can't find what it takes to make him whole, in a sense.
"beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here."
I agree with Niktah a lot with this. Time can dull the hurt to almost nothing, but that doesn't mean it's not there. In a way it's still haunting him. He's still having the same problems, the same failures and can't satisfy himself emotionally, but everyone else is moving on. He's stuck, and he's watching everyone else live their lives.
"If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find away"
I think if anything proves my point about this song being about his failure to live a normal life because his fame has smothered all chances out, this would be it.
If he could go back, and make the decision all over again, he wouldn't be so free with expressing himself. He'd keep a part of him to himself.
I remember reading an article where Trent said the most powerful thing a singer/songwriter could ever say. It was something like this " People don't seem to understand, my days consists of going into a room by myself for hours at a time, scraping up every feeling left inside of me, slapping it on a piece of paper, and then giving it to the world to criticize. " Those were as close to his real words as I can remember. But doesn't that make you think. Doesn't it make more sense now? I can see where one could read into drugs in this piece, but it truly is not the case in this song. What you have is a man who feels hopeless and lost to something he can't figure out.
I respect everyone's opinion. I sometimes think song interpretations are hard. You have to see from the writers eyes, and try to separate from your own emotions to feel theirs. Too often people explain what they use the song to relate to, not what it's actually meant to say.
To me, this song reflects a broken relationship and the depression that follows.
First of all, there's self mutilation. When he was hurt, he tried to find a place to lay the blame. If you're like me, you blame yourself, so would Trent. He began to hate himself. He needed something to believe in, other than himself. He sought that through self-mutilation. I know the feeling of cutting myself; it's almost like a feeling of renewal, but you know deep down it's not the answer. So did he.
So he blames himself again: "What have I become?"
The refrain is Trent talking to the person whom he broke away from. Telling them that they're better off because he's not good for them.
The second verse is Trent doubting himself further, looking at all he screwed up. It seems very jumbled: "Full of Broken thoughts, I cannot repair." But then he remembers how it started. How it all got screwed up. And then he sees how nothing has really changed: "You are someone else, I am still right here." Then there's the last part:"If icould start again." He just wants another chance.
My way of seeing this might be totally wrong, but it's how i see this.
"I hurt myself today, to see if i still feel."
I feel he has been hurt by someone he really cares about and he isn't sure that he can ever 'feel' or 'love' again.
"The needle tears a hole, the old familliar sting."
He has been hurt so many times that he is getting use to the feeling.
"What have i become, my sweetest friends, everyone I know goes away in the end."
To me this shows that everyone he has loved has gone away and he left alone.
"I will let you down, I will make you hurt."
This shows that he isn't the greatest person in the world and that watch out, he might make you hurt. In gerneral, I think that this song is about what the title says.. being 'hurt'. By what, we don't know, but it hurts and he has to make sure he is ok.
I think that the song means that he has been hurt by someone and he feels that he will never find anything better than what he had. Because of this he puts physical pain on himself (I've done it before nothing to take lightly). I think that this song means nothing more than this. He is just depressed of a loss he has suffered, and he needs to "Hurt" himself.
I feel that this song is, like most NIN songs, a love song.
At the beginning when he is talking about hurting himself, it is because he has felt all this pain and he feels that distracting himself will get his mind away, but it turns out that he actually now has the pain that he started with plus this new pain.
Then when he says "what have I become, my sweetest friend, everyone I know...ect." I think he is saying that he wants to stay the same but is being forced to change to keep up with everyone else that is changing including some of the people who are dear to him. They all seem to be leaving him to go on to different things, when he likes the way things are.
"you could have it all, my empire of dirt, I will let you down, I will make you hurt"
I think that this is the part where the love song strongly comes in...He is in love with someone whom he will do or give up anything for, but he feels that he doesn't have much to give them, but they can have what little he has, but he thinks that he eventually will only cause them pain.
"I wear this crown of shit upon my liar's chair, full of broken thoughts I cannot repair"
Here he feels that everyone has a place (chair) or level in society, and he feels that he was placed below the "elite" of today's society for having his own view which they call lies. They have "broken" his thoughts by disagreeing with everything that is important to him and he cannot repair the because his thoughts are not acceptable.
"beneath the stains of time, the feelings disappear, you are someone else, I am still right here"
Here he talks about how his feelings are going away because they have been ignored and now his love is leaving out of his life, but wants him to come and change to a new person, but he wants to stay the way he is and not change, but she is leaving him and changing her whole being.
Then he repeats "what have I become.." because he is feeling these things pulling on him and telling him to change and have already altered him slightly again.
"if I could start again, a million miles away, I would keep myself, I would find a way."
He is now talking about if he could go back and live his life again in anther place and times, he would be true to himself and not fall victim to socity's standards, and he would take what he had learned already and use it to help him.
I think that the whole song can be related to society in general. None of us or atleast very few of us live our lives as we see fit. We live our lives under the influence of a society which doesn't even know why they live their lives the way they do. We are all just playing our roles that we are given by society so none of it is actually real to our true selves. When Trent says "I focus on the pain, The only thing that's real" I interpret it as meaning that pain is the only emotion that isn't society.
I have to agree with Sharmagne.. It's not about drugs as the wannabe druggies would have us believe, Trent merely uses the symbolism of the needle, the junkie, to demonstrate the point...
It's about society, and breaking free of stereotypes... Refusing to become one of the mindless masses just to make ‘THEM' happy.
Here's my interpretation on hurt:
"I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything"
Going with the idea that the song is about society.. Think about it like this..
Breaking away from the dictates of society, refusing to conform, realizing suddenly that you are not one of the mindless masses, you are, after all, an individual. You have to break away, stop doing as you are told, merely because it is what you have been told to do. Question the orders and question the answers. "Hurt" yourself, TEAR away from society... Become your own person, not some sheep following trustingly to the slaughterhouse.
"what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end"
I don't know who I am anymore, I don't know what I've become. Doing as I am told, following the dreams that my parents had for me, what's the point? They may think they know what is best for me, but they don't.. They only know what would have been the best for themselves if they were me.. But they're not me.. Everything they have taught, everything they have said, it doens't matter.. Because that's not me.
"you could have it all
my empire of dirt"
This is not me, I don't want it.. You can have it. They're your dreams, you can have them back. You may think you have built up castles in the sky for me, but to me.. It is only a pile of dirt. Take it, it has nothing to do with me.
"I will let you down
I will make you hurt"
I can't do this anymore, I can't be what you want me to be, I have to be myself. It hurts you, yes, but you had to expect it. How could you expect me to be a carbon copy of yourself? Even though it hurts you, I can't do what you want me to do anymore.
"I wear this crown of shit
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair"
Again, you have set me up to be the king of your dreams.. But I don't want your crown.. I will no longer lie just to make you happy. I have to follow my own dreams, my own life... Until now I've tried to please you, to make you happy... But now it's my turn.. Now I have to see if I can repair my own shattered dreams.
"beneath the stain of time
the feeling disappears"
In time, you will learn to deal with this, you will realize that it had to happen. Time, as they say, heals all wounds.
"you are someone else
I am still right here"
I am the same person that I always was.. Now you simply know the true me, not the one you built me up to be.. I have not changed, it is only your perception of me which has been changed.
"what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end"
You look down on me now, for striking out on my own, from branching out from the ‘Normal' You called yourself my friend, but for this, you have dropped me.. Everything I once knew to be true is a lie, everyone I loved has abandoned me...
"You could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt"
If conforming to your ideals is what it takes to make me accepted, then I don't want to be a part of what you call society. If I have to give up my dreams and follow yours, I want no part of your life. I break out of the box that you have put me in, and if it hurts you.. Oh well... For once, I am doing something for myself.. Something to make me happy.
"if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way"
If I could begin again, another life, another time.. I would be myself from the beginning.. I would refuse, somehow, to become what you would mould me into...
If I have to go a million miles, if I have to run away.. I'll find some way to be myself... I will do whatever it takes to make my dreams come true...
With our without you.
The first few lines are self-explanatory. Any comment on the "needle tears a hole" would be redundant. But as for "What have I become..."- The writer's changed since things were thick between he and the person he is directing the writing toward. He's embarrassed himself in the eyes of the person he's addressing. They've gone too far together while things were going well, and then when things started to turn bad, both parties probably went too far in trying to save whatever relationship there was. Now, in the aftermath, the writer feels vulnerable and stupid in relation to the person he addresses, but has an intense inner feeling to speak to them anyway, to try to purge the feeling of the relationship and the failure of the relationship, but at the same time, contrastingly, wants to hold on to the memories of said relationship, because even the bad memories or the pain of reliving the good memories is better than no link at all to the person the writer's writing to. Since to actually speak to that person would be taboo the writer writes the song.
"I wear this crown of shit/upon my liars chair"... infers being crowned lord and master of all one surveys. The writer would be saying that although he has everything he could possible want and all the power he could want, he's still empty without the person addressed in the song. The statement would be private, (maybe some reference to something said between writer and muse) esoteric, and sarcastic, (maybe in regards to fame, the royalty reference). This also holds true with the line "You could have it all/ my empire of dirt". The "crown of shit" and "Liar" analogies would infer that that's what the writer says of himself in regards to the relationship. Maybe he was told, or simply felt like, he was full of shit or lying about something or someone. He is weak and unrespectable in the eyes of the addressed.
"Beneath the stains of time/ the feeling disappears/ you are someone else/ I am still right here"... The addressed is getting over the relationship and moving on, the writer is stuck in the pain of the unrequited love and the relationship ending prematurely. He cannot move on.
This song can be taken very literally. You can take it as self mutilation which does help numb pain. (I know this from experience). But it can only do co much. ("Try to kill it all away but I remember everything"). He then reflects on what he has done to himself. ("What have I become....") and realizes that no one is ever really there for anyone else. Then he seems to realize that is he is unable to love himself he can't love- he can only hurt. Te second verse is Trent being really hard on himself. ("I wear this crown of shit...")
The last part ("If I could start again...") is him realizing that mutilating himself is not the answer.
I have thought long and hard about the meaning to this song. Of course it is about problems, Trent's problems. What I think he means in the chorus when he says, "What have I become, my sweetest friend, everyone I knows goes away in the end," he means that his friends will always be there to help him get through his tough times or depression, etc., but soley it is him who has to make the decision to turn himself around or get help for himself. I am not implying that Trent has a problem with drugs or anything of that nature, but when Trent and the rest of us has a problem, it is our sole choice to turn ourselves around. I think that is what he means by the lyrics, "What have I become, my sweetest friend, everyone I knows goes away in the end." Thank you and God bless.
"I hurt myself today. to see if i still feel."
"i focus on the pain. the only thing that's real"
:I keep hurting myself, just to see if i can even still feel, but i only seem to focus on the pain because that's the only thing that is real. the pain i feel emotionally and physically is there, because that is all i ever feel anymore:
"The needle tears a hole. the old familiar sting."
"try to kill it all away, but i remember everything"
:The [drugs?] i take bring back that old familiar sting. thought it would take away all the pain, but i still remember everything. still feel everything.:
"what have i become? my sweetest friend."
"everyone i know, goes away in the end"
:I'm changing. i'm becoming my own best friend because everyone else i know has gone away. and now it is the end:
"You could have it all. my empire of dirt"
"I will let you down. I will make you hurt."
:I will give everything to you. the [things?] that I own, just so i can have someone. but i'll just end up letting you down. I'll end up hurting you, like I've done everyone else:
" i wear this crown of shit. apon my liars chair"
" full of broken thoughts. i cannot repair"
:I admit I am full of [shit?]. I am the king of lies, so I'll sit on my throne and wear my crown, that is all full of [shit?]. Full of so many broken thoughts, so many mistakes. So many hurt and heartbreaks that I just cannot redo. I cannot make up for that:
"Beneath the stain of time, the feeling disapears"
"You are someone else, I am still right here"
:Throughout time I just sit and wish that I could change. My feelings I have, changes. It all disapears. I don't think about it anymore. You leave and become a new you. You make me jealous, you make me realize that I am still right here and I cannot change:
"If i could start again, a million miles away"
"I would keep myself. i would find a way"
:If I could just go back and start all over again. If I could just be far, far away from here, then I would keep myself there with my new self. I would find some way. I would, but I won't. I don't deserve to live:
a human flesh and blood, with feelings and wants and needs is questioning his exitense. he has become numb to an extent. he wants to feel again, to live and to have friends and those that love him. he has hit an all time low point in his life...he is longing...and he is hurt.
I see this song as being about the person who killed themself in "The Downward Spiral" in the afterlife, looking back at their life and wondering, was it really worth it? Did my life have any real meaning, to me or to anyone? In the opening lines, he tells how he injured himself, and he lost touch with his feelings so much that the only way he could really "feel" them was to feel them physically, by injuring himself. In the chorus, he tells that throughout his life, he felt abandoned and alone, and became secluded; "What have I become? My sweetest friend.." - he is saying that he was really the only person who knew who he was; "Everyone I know goes away in the end" - he felt abandoned by everyone, and saw that in his life, in the big picture, everyone was so distant. "You could have it all, my empire of dirt" - he compares his life to a pile of dirt, saying "here, take it. It doesn't matter to me, and it never will, I don't need it." "I will let you down, I will make you hurt" - He felt that during his life, he only fucked things up for other people, got in the way. He felt like he was the cause of a lot of pain that he didn't want to cause. "I wear this crown of shit upon my liar's chair" - He is saying, look what I am, look where this miserable life has taken me. "Full of broken thoughts I cannot repair" - His life has poisoned his mind, weakened it, fucked it up. "Beneath the stains of time, the feelings disappear" - As time passes by, one becomes desensitized to what they see around them, it all becomes so dull and lifeless. "You are someone else, I am still right here" - Everything around him has changed, it wasn't what he knew before. This only furthers the separation between him and the rest of the world. "If I could start again, a million miles away, I would keep myself, I would find a way..." - he wishes to be reincarnated, to lead a new life. He wouldn't become the monster he became in his last life, he would never let that happen again; he'd want to really be himself, to try and lead a better one than before.
Go to Hurt Relations.
Return to Ninterpretations.