The lyrics
you had all of them on your side, didn't you? (didn't you?)
you believed in all your lies, didn't you? (didn't you?)
the ruiner's got a lot to prove and he's got nothing to lose and now he made you believe
the ruiner's your only friend well he's the living end to the cattle he decieves
the raping of the innocent, you know the ruiner ruins everything he sees
now the only pure thing left in my fucking world is wearing your desease
how did you get so big?
how did you get so strong?
how did it get so hard?
how did it get so long?
you had to give them all a sign, didn't you? (didn't you?)
you had to covet what was mine, didn't you? (didn't you?)
the ruiner's a collector, he's an infector serving his shit to his flies
maybe there will come a day when those that you keep blind will suddenly realize
maybe it's a part of me you took it to a place I hoped it would never go
and maybe that fucked me up much more than you'll ever know
how did you get so big?
how did you get so strong?
how did you get so hard?
how did it get so long?
(and) what you gave to me
my perfect ring of scars
you know I can see
what you really are
| you didn't hurt me nothing can hurt me
| you didn't hurt me nothing can stop me now
|{repeat 4x}
(Pre 5-12-98)
I can't even listen to it anymore. It's like having eleven years of sexual abuse come back at me in 5 minutes.
"what you gave to me
my perfect ring of scars..."
I still have them. They're faded brown, but they're still there.
"the ruiner's got a lot to prove...
....and now he made you believe"
My molester used all kinds of manipulation -- mental, physical beating, psychosexual (trying to convince me I was totally screwed up and that I liked what he did to me, when in fact I didn't, and then in later years constantly remarking about my unintended androgyny). But it was easy for him, because he had already beaten me down for so long in such a traumatic manner.
"the ruiner's your only friend well he's the living end to the cattle he deceives..."
My brother was viewed as a "great guy" by so many people -- relatives, friends, parents. He had everybody fooled. And I knew that there was no way to combat that. I knew there was nothing I could do that would change anything.
"the raping of the innocent..."
Take it literally. The first encounter I remember was when I was 5 years of age.
"...now the only pure thing left in my fucking world is wearing your disease..."
This is a key line for me, because the meaning of "pure thing" always changes. It can mean anything from my current love relationship, to my relationship with my parents, to my best friend, to the fact that I left my whole life behind to escape him....
"how did you get so big?"...(that chorus)
I remember thinking something along these lines when I was seven. Lying in my bedroom, door locked, breathing heavily from being hit in the head a few times, sore from when he raped me a few minutes before. I remember almost throwing myself out the third-floor window onto the concrete below.
To me, "ruiner" is about coping with childhood abuse. Sexual, physical, verbal -- it really doesn't matter, because all types of abuse are so difficult to let go, especially if the abuse continued for several years. I know my case isn't the only one of its kind, even in the confines of alt.music.nin. But I'm hoping that being verbal about it, being up-front and saying, "Hey, it happened to me, too...you're not alone..." might help somebody struggling with it. I know it's incredibly difficult to get out of these situations, especially if you're a little kid. But you owe it to yourself to start working through it. Tell somebody. Even if you're not sure how they'll react. Talk about it with your close friends.
Tell somebody, because you'll go nuts if you don't.
-Elana Zivinsky
(Pre 5-12-98)
I agree with evryone on this page it is some form of abuse whether child abuse or a drug addiction it all boils down to a form of painful mentally agonizing abuse and while he is trying to tell everyone that the ruiner is an evil thing, everyone believes he is an angel.
I relate this song to the time my cousin sat down and said she was having the hell beat out of her by her older cousin i never found out if anything else ever happend im sure it did though i was probably the only one that listened.
-Beyond Repair
(Pre 5-12-98)
I think the interpretations here are very impressive. This song is about a young child who lives in a home with both parents but they are very busy. Both have jobs and work very long hours. The next door neighbor is an older man and also the childs babysitter. The old man is a little twisted and takes pleasure in taking advantage of a helpless child. The child tries to tell his parents. They are too wound up in there own life that they can't bear to loose their babysitter and miss out on their busy life. The child is frustrated and scared.
"The ruiner's a collector."
The child knew of other children in the neighborhood whom the man had molested.
"He's an infector."
Not a disease but he infectes the childs world.
"serving his shit to his flies"
Telling lies to everyone who will listen.
"Maybe it's a part of me you took it to a place I hoped it would never go"
Not only did you molest me but my friends and in a way my family.
"and maybe that fucked me up much more than you'll ever know."
I am good at hiding it but my life is so fucked up that there's no turning back.
"My perfect ring of scars."
To put it bluntly "you fucked me up the ass and made me bleed."
"you didn't hurt me nothing can hurt me."
I have grown up stronger than you could ever imagined.
(Pre 5-12-98)
I have read all the interpretations above and found them, well, interesting. I don't necessarily agree or disagree with any of them. I can't even imagine what it means to Trent. I feel Trent is far superior to most people on this earth and I feel I can't even try to second guess what it means to him. All I know is the meaning it has taken on for me. Trents music often represents something far more than I could have imagined when I first began my journey of exploring NIN. This particular song brought a new look on a big part of my life. It may not be as deep as some, and not about anything most people would care about. I think people should look for what the songs mean to THEM more than anything.
To me it represents the most important relationship I've ever had. The ruiner would be him (my x-boyfriend). He was my fisrt real relationship. Like the first one that I actually had cared about. There had been others, a few weeks here a few weeks there, but never anyhting serious. He became very serious. He was very important. What I would think about all day. The one I'd write letters to every night before I went to bed. The one that I promised myself I wouldn't get close to. One night things went far, farther than I thought they would go, farther than I wanted them to. I lost my virginity to him. The one thing I promised I wouldn't let happen, like it happened to so many of my friends. He was my ruiner.
That night he told me he loved me, and I was just starting to believe it. But I knew he was not the guy for me. Not the one I wanted, not the one I could keep. My friend, a mutual friend, convinced me of how it wasn't right for me, and I lost my relationship with him. I found out he had asked me out on a bet, but then he really grew feelings for me.
"you had all of them on your side, didn't you?
you belived in all your lies didn't you?"
To me this is what I would say to him, he really did have everyone on his side, he was Mr. Punk Rock and was oh so bad ass. And I think even he started believing the lie he based our relationship on. Even to him it was now the truth.
"the ruiner's got a lot to prove he's got nothing to lose"
He really did have a lot to prove, to me (proving he was all he thought, he acted and wanted to be), to my parents (proving that he really could do something good for me, or at least not do bad), to my friends (most of them expected it to happen, as did I, but couldn't do anyhting about it. He had to prove that nothing harmful was really going to come of this..) He had nothing to lose. He was over 18 and I was 14 so he could have gone to jail easily (as my parents were apposed to him to make it worse). But even if he did he had no life, no success, kicked out of school, into drugs badly, no family worth anything to him, not even any true friends.
"now he made you belive"
He really did make me believe he was a nice guy. He was always nice to me, although at the begining we didn't really know each other. He made me believe I was making choices, when really I wasn't. He made me believe he was what I wanted.
"the ruiner's your only friend he's the living end to the cattle he deceives"
He was the only one I was left fighting for, agianst all my friends, family, even my school administrator! I was a part of the "cattle" he decived. Not many people knew him the way he needs to be known. He is so full of deception it amazes me.
"the raping of the innocent the ruiner ruins everything he sees"
He didn't litereally rape me, but in a way he did. he decieved me into finally thinking it was the right thing for me to do. It would make me happy and fulfilled. He really does bad things. He ruined one girl by breaking her heart, another by reputation, another, harrasment, all my FRIENDS!
"now the only pure thing left in my fucking world is wearing your desease"
I am the only thing pure left in my world. I hate my family, hate my friends, hate school. That is my life. Now I wear his desease. Not literally, but it's been like a year and still not a day goes by without some thought on it. And I am never happy about it. I'm sure for my entire life I won't forget what happened. And the signifigance to me isn't going away.
"how did you get so big how did you get so strong how did you get so hard how did it get so long?"
To me this refers to how did he get to be Mr. Punk Rock Cool Guy when he is such a total asshole? He can take so much, and give it all back.
"the ruiner's a collector he's an infector serving his shit to his flies"
He collects people to believe in him, care about him, and puts them through more shit then they deserve.
"maybe there will come a day when those that you keep blind will suddenly realize"
Maybe someday everyone who now cares about him will realize about him like I did.
"maybe it's a part of me you took it to a place i hoped it would never go and maybe that fucked me up much more than you'll ever know"
He took the part of me so willing to like him, so willing to fall into whatever kind of circles he brings me. He took the part of me willing to ignore bad things, do everything and anything for love. He abused that part of me. Now it is no longer the same. That is how he fucked me up, and he'll never know, because that is something I could never open up to him with.
"what you gave to me my perfect ring of scars"
This is that I now don't go a day without thinking about it. Going in circles of my mind full of regret, anger, and most of all saddness.
"You know I can see what you really are"
I know what he's about. I know he did really start to care about me, I know he did so much wrong, but did try to do right, I know he knew no better than what he was doing, and he probably doesn't know what he did. I can see more into him than I think he can see into me.
"you didn't hurt me nothing can hurt me you didn't hurt me nothing can hurt me now. . . . "
This shows my denial. I, up until now, never admitted to still thinking about it. I never tell my friends about it, lie to some and say it didn't happen. On the outside it really hasn't hurt me, he can't hurt me, no one can. On the inside I hurt myself, through him. So that says no, you didn't hurt, no one can, and that includes myself in saying that. But it is all a denial statement.
This might sound a bit over emotional and drawned out, but it should give another perspective on what the song means.
-Elizabeth