Kinda I Want To : Pretty Hate Machine

The lyrics:

I can’t shake this feeling in my head
There’s a devil sleeping in my bed
He’s watching you from across the way
I can’t make this feeling go away

I know it’s not the right thing
And I know it’s not the good thing
But kinda I want to

I’m not sure of what I should do
When all I’m thinking of is you
All of my excuses turn to lies
Maybe God will cover up his eyes

I know it’s not the right thing
And I know it’s not the good thing
But kinda I want to

Maybe just for tonight
We can pretend it’s alright
What’s the price I pay
I don’t care what they say

[I’ll take my chance tonight]

(Pre 5-12-98)
I only have Pretty Hate Machine and The Downward Spiral so far. I have noticed that songs follow on. Sanctified precedes Reptile. Kinda I Want To precedes Big Man With A Gun. Terrible Lie precedes Heresy. Sin precedes Closer. Something I Can Never Have precedes Hurt (same vibe but a different subject). The songs are more easily understood when the full story is told.

As I said, this song precedes Big Man With A Gun. Big Man is violent, misogynistic and in my mind, downright gross. But it puts across it’s point. A lot of people think of Trent as being misogynistic and violent etc. because he wrote a song like this (they also think this of Reptile - personally I feel that in that song it is Trent being controlled by the woman and not vice versa). I think Trent is trying to say that there are people like this. This is what they think and what they do and it is yukky, disgusting, frightening...

Anyway, Kinda I Want To is the precursor.

This is what I think the scene is. Two lovers are together. The woman asleep, the guy awake. He looks across and thinks what most guys would probably think. The problem is he can’t get rid of that thought. He wants to screw her consent or no. He struggles with this thought, he knows it’s wrong, he knows it would ruin everything but he still wants to do it. Maybe for the risk, the excitement, the violence, no-one knows exactly but him. Eventually he admits to the feeling, admits his reasons for this are bullshit, he just wants to, plain and simple. He hopes no-one will notice, no-one will care. Maybe God will cover up his eyes. He does not want to disappoint God, he refers to God specifically. In the end he decides he will do it. He will suffer the consequences of his actions. He now does not care what people think or say. I’ll take my chance tonight. Maybe he does sing this line but I can’t hear it. The cycle begins... I consider Big Man With A Gun as the follow on. From this little inner argument to blatant rape.


(4-21-98) Just a little amendment on my ninterpretation of this, after reading everyone's responses. I think the 'scene' I'm using is just metaphoric, it's just the obvious scene that came into my mind. But it could be a metaphor for wanting anything that not considered right by society.

-B.J.

(Pre 5-12-98)
That sounds like a good explanation. I completely agree and would say the exact same thing. The song doesn't even sound like a rape song really, though. Those thoughts run through alot of guys' heads at some point or another, and it's completely normal, cause as a chick, they've gone through my head to, I mean about how bad you want the person next to you. The only thing is it leaves you sort of suspended about whether or not he actually rapes the woman. The last line could be taken either way.

-Silver Goddess

(Pre 5-12-98)
I agree with everything said above by B.J., except for Kinda I Want To being the consideration of rape. Trent himself said in an interview (it's somewhere on nothing.nin.net) that although it sounds like it's about a woman, it's really about a cocaine pipe (a short-lived addiction, and one fought off long ago). He's heard it's wrong, and thinks that it probably is, but he still doesn't know for sure. Just in case, though, he hopes that "Maybe God will cover up his eyes."

-Wext

(Pre 5-12-98)
I have read the above interpretations and I agree to an extent. I don't think it is stricktly a sexual or drug oriented song. To me it represents anything that is so close that you can taste the sweetness of it on your lips, yet you are tied to the stake and can't go and retrieve it. So so close...as everything is. And yet you are terrified of a failure, whether it is the failure to restrain yourself or not living up to the required standards. Perhaps a song about the fear of failure...

-torri leah

(Pre 5-12-98)
torri leah: I completely agree with your interpretation. The only thing that I would like for you to consider is the last few lines," Kinda I want to, maybe just for tonight, we can pretend it's alright, what's the price I pay, I don't care what they say. I want to, I'll take my chance tonight." I believe that this line is Trent saying,"I may have fucked up before, but I am not going to let that control the rest of my life." Even if he fails, at least he tried. He is beginning to understand that he cannot have everything that he desires, but he won't let that stop him from doing what he wants, even if it results in failure. ALSO............................
***Please Note, Wext***
The statement that Trent made concerning the cocaine pipe was in reference to the song Sanctified, which many fans misinterpretated as being about a missed love.

Please note this as well............
B.J.........
The last line "I'll take my chance tonight" can be heard, but not on the album version of "Kinda I Want To." On Purest Feeling you can hear it.

-PuReST FeeLi\/\G