Kinda I Want To : Pretty Hate Machine
The lyrics:
I can’t shake this feeling in my head
There’s a devil sleeping in my bed
He’s watching you from across the way
I can’t make this feeling go away
I know it’s not the right thing
And I know it’s not the good thing
But kinda I want to
I’m not sure of what I should do
When all I’m thinking of is you
All of my excuses turn to lies
Maybe God will cover up his eyes
I know it’s not the right thing
And I know it’s not the good thing
But kinda I want to
Maybe just for tonight
We can pretend it’s alright
What’s the price I pay
I don’t care what they say
[I’ll take my chance tonight]
(Pre 5-12-98)
I kind of have a different take on this song..it's sort of my own personal view of it. I find that a lot of Trent's songs tend to fit different situations I find myself in.
I can't shake this feeling from my head
The first line introduces the theme of the song. He's thinking something he shouldn't be thinking, and he can't help it.
There's a devil sleeping in my bed
The devil is him. He's not exactly himself lately. He's been thinking of something a little deviant.
He's watching you from across the way
He's talking about himself in the third person..still refering to himself as this devil. And now we know what he's thinking. He's thinking about "you" (whomever that may be).
I cannot make this feeling go away
Well...it means just that.
I know it’s not the right thing
And I know it’s not the good thing
But kinda I want to
Again, the theme of the song. What he's thinking isn't right, but he wants to do it anyway. By now, we assume he's talking about being with someone. Whether or not it's sex on his mind, we don't know.
I'm not sure of what I should do
When every thought I'm thinking of is you
He's sort of fighting with himself about whether or not what he wants is worth it. It's not the right thing..but he can't help thinking about it.
All of my excuses turn to lies
Well maybe God will cover up his eyes
He's trying to justify these thoughts as being okay, but he can't do it. Again, it's not the right thing, and we know God certainly will not approve of whatever's on his mind.
Kinda I want to, maybe just for tonight
We can pretend it's alright
What's the price I pay?
I don't care what they say
I want to
It's at this point that he basically says "so what?", he doesn't care what they'll say. He'll take his chance tonight. The part where he says "We can pretend it's alright" is what makes me discount the rape idea, because apparently, it's consentual.
I first related to this song awhile ago when I found myself falling for a girl much younger than me. I took a more innocent interpretation of the song than the rape idea. I simply saw it (from my perspective) as me thinking about this girl, and how it's "wrong" to be having these thoughts. "I don't care what they say." The "they" would've been all the people saying it was wrong.
So basically, where some people take it as a guy having sexual thoughts, consent or no, about the girl he's with.. I take it as him talking about being with a girl society tells him he can't be with, be it an age/class/race difference.
I've also heard it interpreted as sort of a bi fantasy..Trent having thoughts about another man. I don't see it as this, but it's all up to the listener..